Happy 2007!

New Year's Resolution:
Finish writing recaps in a timely fashion. I try to make them easy to keep.

Survivor Episodes 14 & 15 (Finale)

Last week on Survivor:
Parvati cut her finger. Nobody liked Jonathan.

This week on Okay, Now We're Gonna Just Give You the Fire:
Just as a note, I have not seen the Thursday episode before the finale because of finals and the fact that I am now at home-home instead of school-home. I have seen the finale, however, and I'm sure there's enough in that to overstuff this recap.

More to come later..

Top Chef Episode 8

Last week on Too Much Sand, Too Little Salt:
Our three women were in the top and two of our strongest chefs were in the bottom. This, of course, meant that Frank got off my TV screen finally.

This week on Too Much Emotion, Too Little Food:
I really don't know how to sum this episode up without getting really irritated.

More to come later..

The Biggest Loser Episode 13 (Finale)

Last week on The Biggest PSA:
Bob and Kim went to schools. Then the rest of the show was devoted to looking back at how far they've all come.

This week on The Episode When People Come Back Weighing 5 Pounds:
This was a bit of a jam-packed episode and may be difficult to completely recap, but we'll be able to cover the main exciting points and manage to stay somewhat on track.

Again, the rest of this recap will be coming soon.

The Amazing Race Episode 13 (Finale)

Last week on An Episode That I Didn't Watch:
The Barbies went home :(

This week on The Most Boring Finale Ever:
This season started off so great. It's like they jammed all this excitement into the first half of the season and then ran out of steam. Too bad. There was no exciting final puzzle-like roadblock. There was no mad race between teams. There was just a whole lotta boring.

The rest of this recap will come soon. Just wanted to put this out there to let people know that I'm still alive and still recapping.

Best Moments from Top Model

Here's what I did this finals week. I am heading home-home in a few hours and then I'll pop those finale recaps out one by one. The Survivor recap will just be one large recap.

If you watch the video and want to see all of the best moments of cycle 7, reserve about 15 minutes because that's how long it is. At the end, there's supposed to be a section all about Tyra's judging outfits and her being obnoxious, but the file was too big, so I'll add it on later. Oh, and if you're watching the whole thing, don't skip the opening credits because there's a special surprise there.

Survivor Episode 13

Two weeks ago on An Episode That I Had Time to Recap:
Candice was obnoxious and thusly was voted off.



Last week On Survivor:
I am recapping this almost a week late and in a very quick fashion. I have two more finals tomorrow, so at some point, I need to study. I'll go through what I remember of this episode. I'll call it my highlights.

Parvati cuts her finger. That's disgusting. I hate stuff like that. And then a few minutes later, I cut my own finger.. with scissors if you'll believe it. I was making duct tape shoes and my roommate had turned off the lights again. And duct tape is sticky. Somewhere in there, I cut my finger. And I was even trying to empathize with Parvati.

It's the family episode, which means next week (aka tomorrow) is probably the car challenge. Oooh. I only hope. Parvati, her danglethumb, and her father win the wet t-shirt contest and Parvati sends Jonathan to Exile. Parvati's dad then has to choose two people to come on the reward.. without consulting with Parvati first. Brilliant! He chooses Island Girls and Island Boys Sundra and her mother and Adam and his father. What was up with that Island People crap?

They get to go on a "locals" reward with a bunch of paid ethnic-looking actors. Parvati gets to sprinkle goat piss into fresh water and then everybody jumps in. Including Parvati and her danglethumb.. which really shouldn't be in water.

Yul, Ozzy, and Becky want to hide the food that they get everyday because Adam and Parvati don't do jack and get to rest and eat and then do well in challenges. This is a smart idea. Too bad when the challenge winners come home, they bring back food. I would have still hid the food. Or at least I would have decided from then on to only get enough food for myself. Have everybody get their own food. Sounds fair to me.

We have a brutal Immunity that involves turning into various types of animals, such as a dolphin and a squirrel. Fortunately, Ozzy is a transformer. He starts off as a dolphin, gliding through the water and towards the obstacle course. Then he becomes part-squirrel and skitters across the floating logs and barrels and shit. Meanwhile, everybody else is being careful and slow as they try to cross the barrels. This does not work, for many obvious reasons. Sundra takes a body slam in between a barrel and a platform at one point and it looks painful.

Ozzy collects all the sticks and then builds one long pole and reaches two rings. Apparently, the next part of the challenge, which involved juggling the rings while standing on a rolling log was axed and with that, Ozzy won immunity.

Nobody likes Jonathan anymore, and they all say as much at tribal council. There is still too much jury interaction and Jonathan is voted off of the island. Sweet. He does make a great point that the former Raro members pre-merge were not voted off because of him. They were voted off because of their own team members. Jonathan was desperate at that point and his survival was due to their tribemates deciding to vote them off instead of him. This is an extremely valid point. I'm pretty sure they still remember, especially Jenny, but it's still key to mention.

Next time on Survivor:
There is a lot of talk of Yul or Ozzy being voted off my their own alliancemates, which means that most likely, nothing will happen.

Until next time..

Top Chef Episode 7

Last week on The Cheap Bravo Version of Thanksgiving Dinner:
There were five winners in the Quickfire. The five losers had to cook a gourmet Thanksgiving dinner. They collectively failed, but Carlos failed worse. Staying in the middle didn't work for Josie and it also didn't work for Carlos. Who's the next taker for this strategy? Anyone?

This week on Sand is Not a Garnish:
This was an excellent episode. I have watched it twice already, while I worked on my homework and made duct tape shoes. Yes, I am strange. I go through excessively strange phases, too. Anyway, there were some main points that I wanted to make sure I highlighted in this recap, but unfortunately, I did not write them down.

We start off with Elia being confident and doing yoga. Betty really wants there to be three women left at the end of the day and even more specifically, a woman winner. This does not even count as foreshadowing because if I remember correctly, Betty has said something of this sort before. Then, we are lucky enough to see Frank sitting on a bed almost entirely nude. Ewww, my eyes. Somewhere in there, Sam says something about how great he is.

At the Quickfire, Padma and guest judge Raphael Lunetta meet the chefs at Redondo Beach Farmer's Market. The challenge is for the chefs to make a dish in thirty minutes without cooking anything. They can shop in the Farmer's Market for great products to use in their dish.

Back at the kitchen, everybody is working intensely. Betty whizzes around the room as usual and adds and obligatory "whee!" as she slides past the camera. Michael is trying to assemble his dish, which involves stacking, and Frank is next to him "humping some serious gorilla." Here's my new revelation: I kind of am starting to like both Michael and Marcel. It's rather shocking. I like Betty sometimes and not others. I like Ilan the most out of the top three guys, but neither he nor Sam or Cliff really have developed TV personalities on this show. And I hate Frank. He's really annoying.

I don't remember what anybody made, except for Marcel, who made watermelon steak. Ilan says it best when he says the guest judge liked it only because Marcel called it a steak when it was really "just a hunk of watermelon." So true, but in its own way, really funny. This guest judge obviously bases a lot of his culinary decisions on presentation, because his choices for bottom three were all presentation-related. This either means all of the dishes tasted great or he just doesn't care how they taste. He put Mia in the bottom three because she bought a beautiful heirloom tomato and didn't use it, or something. I do believe she used tomato in her dish, though, so maybe she didn't want to go on tomato overdrive.

So then Padma tells them that their Elimination Challenge also involves limitations, like their Quickfire did. They will have to cook a breakfast for champs and serve it to hungry athletes after their morning workout. They won't know what limitations they'll be faced with until right before they have to begin cooking.

They get money to go shopping and everybody gets eggs. This is probably a good idea since eggs are a staple in breakfast cooking. Michael walks around aimlessly, then spots a roasted chicken, which he decides to use in his breakfast taco. He tells Marcel, "because it's already cooked," and Marcel responds by punching him in the gut, which is hilarious to me for some reason. I guess I like the idea of people who are constantly made fun of being friends with each other.

The next morning, the chefs are up at 3:30. That's 3:30 AM. Earlier than the time when I will be going to sleep tonight. Ridiculous. Marcel does a jig in the kitchen about how he's not going to get eliminated and the cameraman thinks it's important to show us his footwork. Hahaha. Marcel is so not like Stephen from last season. Marcel is more misunderstand and Stephen was misunderstanding.

Hot damn it's taken forever for me to do these things. It's like I have finals but then I'm not working that hard most of the time. Although today I was working on a fabulous surprise for my 5 returning readers. Haha.. it's actually more than that but how would I know for sure? (Leave me comments. Please? Haha.) I love all of the new visitors, but what I really want is to be good enough to get more returning visitors. So let me know what I suck at.

Here's a hint at what I'm working on.. So I really like making montages and am working on one for Top Model. I would say it's more of a clip episode produced by me rather than a montage, but it's a compilation of the best Cycle 7 moments. By best, I mean for example, that lame pose that AJ does in the intro where she's trying to be all hardcore but still model-y, and what happened was it just came out looking lame and hilarious. Anyway, look out for that. Judging by what my schedule is for the next few days, it will be finished really soon. (I do stuff like that when I really really should be doing work or studying.)

Anyway, what is this, my personal blog? So the chefs ride to their location and are all excited when they see it's the beach. Then they see that all they have to cook on is firepits. Excellent. As a quick sidenote, this entire episode was awesome. I loved it. Good challenge, no excessively annoying arguments, etc.

The judges are all there except for the guest judge, who is apparently a former champion surfer. He's out surfing, or actually, probably still sleeping. Nobody can tell if he's out there or not. And you know how they woke up at 3:30 AM? I'm wondering what happened between then and now. Was it a long ride to the beach? Because it does not look any earlier than 6:00. Anyway, so Padma is wearing a furry coat over what I assume is a bikini top, but I couldn't really tell. The first time I watched, I thought for sure she was just topless. Her hair is long and there's that ugly jacket. Anyway, as we all know, Padma is ridiculous.

So the chefs start cooking. They soon find out that it's difficult to cook on the beach because once food touches the sand, it's over. There's no getting the taste of sand out of that food ever. Mia spills her salt. Frank drops some strawberries. And Frank, by the way? Is an idiot. He thought of the idea to do a breakfast quiche. I guess I'm biased because I hate quiche, but honestly, knowing you have restrictions to deal with, why would you choose to do a quiche? Aren't those things really fussy to cook? Don't they need an oven? Stupid. So he has to scratch that idea, but he doesn't really figure it out right away.

Meanwhile, Michael has forgotten his eggs. Surprisingly, instead of calling him a moron, I actually felt kinda bad for him. Probably because he's so useless sometimes, he just can't help it. The people around him who seem to hear his dilemma are Frank, Betty, Sam, and Cliff. At least, that's what we're shown. Frank smirks and calls Michael his idiot little brother. The karma fairy sits next to Michael glaring daggers into Frank. Or that was just me. I hate Frank. He's so obnoxious.

So Betty feels really bad and this is what I like about Betty. She's fighting for this as much as anybody, so it's not like she's trying to help other people all the time. She's just one of those people who will help someone else as long as it doesn't affect her performance. And giving up a couple eggs didn't seem like a problem. Her generosity then led to Sam and Cliff wanting to look like stand-up guys themselves and they offered up some eggs too. I won't give nearly as much credit to Sam and Cliff because I'm not sure if they would have offered up eggs if Betty hadn't done so first. I'm not saying they wouldn't have. It's just they didn't make the first move here.

Anyway, it's not about sharing on this show, but it's nice that Betty didn't want to just leave Michael out to crash and burn. For all that she's said on this episode alone about wanting to stay out of the bottom, I'm glad she didn't ignore Michael to give herself a better chance of staying above him. It's just a nice thing. I'm done talking about it.

So chefs in trouble this week seem to be Sam and Cliff and Frank. It's surprising that Sam and Cliff are having problems. Sam wanted to make green eggs and ham and is surprised that when he mixes his eggs with basil, they turn grey instead of green. It's strange that he didn't consider that might happen. I probably would have warned him that mixing something with green food doesn't mean it'll turn green. But I guess he probably doesn't randomly try to turn things colors all the time.

Cliff's problem is actually a little strange. He doesn't seem like the type that would accidentally end up with a really bad presentation. He basically makes what I make at home.. a scrambled egg with some stuff mixed in, scooped into a bowl. Except when I make it, I'm in my pajamas watching The Price is Right. It just doesn't look gourmet at all.

So a bunch of surfers start trying their dishes. Mia's crab cakes are a huge hit. Tom thinks it's the fact that they're at the beach and she's serving crab. I think it's just because crab cakes taste amazing. Tom kinda made it out like Mia lucked out. No. Crab cakes would win anywhere.

Elia has some dish with a gazillion different flavors. She has the sweet, the salty, all together. Gail makes some big speech about the fact that she's apprehensive, but then shuts up and tastes it and really likes the flavor.

The guest judge is impressed by Betty's plating. He had criticized her Quickfire dish for being a little messy. This is an important point because I think this really shows how much she listens. A lot of people half-listen, but I think in this case, Betty really made an effort. It's nice that it paid off.

So it turns out our three ladies are in the top. Mia was the surfers' favorite, but some of the judges thought her plating wasn't the best that it could be. They really like Betty's plating and when asked how she came up with the idea, she gave a great explanation about wanting to preserve the delicate eggs. That type of shit rolls really well with those judges. I have a feeling plating based on practicality seems really smart to them.

The winner is Elia for the second time in a row. I really would have liked to have Mia take that one because she did what they were told to do the best. She made a dish targeted at hungry athletes and she marketed it well, too. Anyway, not a big issue. There's no prize this round.

The bottom three are Sam, Cliff, and Frank. Frank says he should have gone to individual omelettes and wasn't able to change strategies quickly enough. Sam says the challenge was really tough and he took some risks that didn't fly. He also mentions that Elia used frozen waffles and her risk paid off. It's an interesting comment because he was so specific. I have a feeling Sam is the type to be a little standoffish when criticized and will quickly point fingers when it comes to it. I don't think he should have mentioned Elia specifically. That was a little bit of a cheap attempt at questioning the judges' decision.

Cliff comes off either ultra-confident or extremely cocky. He says there's no way he's leaving today. It's interesting what works on each show. Something like that would not work on many other shows out there, but for some reason, Tom seems to like overconfidence on this show.

Basically, Frank is cut because he kinda has to be. Sam and Cliff have been two of the top chefs in this competition. Frank once made some 'shroom dish. Hmmm. Tough choice. Bye Frank.

Next week on Top Chef:
They're working in teams and Cliff is bossy, which Mia doesn't like. Somebody throws Mia under the bus and she tells them to kiss her ass. I really wish I had that Whitney Houston clip. Damn. Another missed opportunity.

The Amazing Race Episode 12

I will most likely not be recapping Episode 12 for TAR. To be quite honest, I have not seen the episode yet and it is not high on my priorities at the moment. I really would rather not watch my favorites be eliminated because of this new "marked for elimination" rule. I will cover the finale, though, once I watch it tomorrow or the day after.

Thank you all for reading my recaps and thank you to those who have left comments. Please leave me comments and/or email!

America's Next Top Model Episode 13 (Finale)

Last week on Shame On You For Getting Hypothermia:
Girls flamenco-ed. Eugena won the dancing challenge and she and Amanda got expensive clothing. Melrose had a breakdown and it was awesome. They had to be ethereal nymphs in pairs, shooting in a pool with cold water. Caridee literally froze, which means she's not as special as Tyra, who's never done a cold shoot in her life. Top Model broke up with Amanda and sent her home.



This week on The Episode Where CariDee Becomes America's Next Top Model:
We begin with the question, "Who will be America's Next Top Model?" Will it be Eugena, the girl who should have gone home weeks ago when she was in the bottom two with Brooke? Will it be Melrose, the annoying bipolar brown-nosing perfectionist with bug eyes and fish lips in all of her photos? Or will it be CariDee, the girl who is the perfect mix or talent, natural beauty, bubbliness, craziness, and determination? Hmmm..

Since this is the finale and they've decided to cram it into a one hour show, everything seems really rushed, especially the first half leading to the last elimination. We enter this episode immediately at a Covergirl commercial and photoshoot. And Dani(elle), last season's winner, is the special guest. She looks excited because this is probably the biggest job she's landed since winning.. a spot as a guest on Top Model! That must have been hard to bag.

They bring up the fact that it's now Dani, not Danielle, and as she's talking, I see the lightbulb go on in Eugena's head. Dani's the most recent winner. Dani's black. Dani was much better on the show than Eugena. Hmmm. They've never had a blonde winner before. Looks like somebody might be sent home soon.

As they've getting make-up and hair for the commercial, Melrose is practicing her lines really loudly and it's bothering Cari. She says she's got to stop listening to Melrose and Melrose says, "Then stop listening to me, ho." Classy. Eugena lets us know that she and Cari want it to be the two of them in the final two because Melrose sucks balls.

Caridee starts off rough and can't get her lines straight. She lets loose and goes a little crazy for a bit and then does a great job with the commercial.

Eugena is stiff. Surprise! She's bland and looks and sounds pretty dead. And with that lipstick on there? Her lips look huge. Somehow she pulls off a better performance eventually.

Melrose is nervous and messes up her lines. Then she gets all aggressive and tries to force the product to the viewers. Jay tells her that there's time for one more and she wants a hundred more because she wants to be perfect. Ugh. Jay tells her he doesn't wnt fake energy from her. She does a decent job on the last go around.

Then she proceeds to mini-freak out and the hair guy has to tell her to calm down and focus on the photoshoot. In the photoshoot, her lips are quivering. She's too tense throughout and her expression comes out looking forced.

Cari tries to look relaxed and blissful and she looks a lot like the shot of her in the intro. Occasionally, her eyes go a little crazy, but on film, I'm sure everything came out great. She looks amazing.

Eugena doesn't want Tyra to tell her she has dead eyes anymore. The clip of her doing her shoot is really short because, you know, you have to cut down the episode somewhere.

Then they have to do a scene in the commercial where they're all together. And they have gorgeous dresses on, by the way. When they say "Covergirl," they're supposed to all fall back onto a couch and Caridee totally flashes the camera.

TyraMail: Final 3 Judging

Tyra is wearing a red dress with black at the top of the bust, which makes it look like she wore a bra that was too big for the dress. Cari looks like a model. She's dressed really model-y. Melrose is either wearing black pants that have a weird shine to them or she's wear shear leggings. It's weird.

They watch the commercial, which is pretty good. It's cute at least. Tyra thinks it's good and Cari responds with one of her open-mouthed big laughs.

Melrose is up first. They don't like her photo. Tyra says maybe Melrose isn't a natural beauty shot girl. Which is basically saying maybe she's not actually beautiful. Which is mean and funny. Haha.

Eugena might have some personality, judging from the commercial. Her beauty shot is good, too, but the judges wonder why she's still here. I think they suddenly realized, "We've gotten rid of ten girls and this one's still around?"

Cari is over the top in her commercial. They point out what I didn't see the first go around. Cari frowns every once in awhile during the commercial and it's very slight, but I think it's related to how in the Spanish commercial, her eyes were all crazy. When she thinks, she can't control her facial expressions. It's really interesting. Just barely noticeable, though. And her film is incredible, apparently. Her shot is gorgeous and they say she blew the other two away.

Judgement: Miss J says "it's the CariDee mystery." Melrose isn't a natural. Eugena doesn't want it enough.

Cari is called first, which means she joins Naima as one of only two girls who have been called first in final 3 judging and gone on to win the competition. Then, Tyra calls Melrose and CariDee makes this awesome face that's all "wtf?" As Tyra's talking to Melrose about how her photo sucked, Eugena looks back at Cari and Cari shakes her head slightly.

Then, in the best scene ever, Cari and Eugena are in the middle of this huge hug and Melrose tries to intercept it. Like, "Oh, we're in front of the judges. Pretend that they like me. Just pretend." I kinda wish Eugena would've said to Melrose, "Stop pretending. Nobody likes you." That would've been classy. Cari says to Eugena that she'll win it for her.

Now, on The Battle of the Blondes:
Eugena has written a letter for CariDee and we see her reading it as she and Melrose return to the loft. Eugena says it's about time that a natural blonde wins this. I totally agree. I would have been happy with either Brooke or CariDee.

TyraMail on the window of a car. When Tyra first came to Paris to begin modeling, she was only SEVENTEEN years old. Because remember, this show is all about Tyra.

The girls are shooting for Seventeen, the shot that will be the cover of the magazine. We get the pleasure of meeting the ever-so-scary Atoosa Rubenstein, the resident HBIC, as New York would say. By the way, if anyone hasn't watched that Ladies in Reality 06 video clip yet, scroll down a couple entries and watch the second video. New York and Deelishis both look really different. And our girls from this Top Model, Brooke, Jaeda, and AJ are there, along with Furonda and Joanie.

Let's take a moment and talk about that. Of course some excellent girls from Top Model were there, but for some other shows, it was so obvious that the girl there was like the seventh on the list of who they wanted. Courtney Marit from Survivor? The dress was slamming, but that chick is a little rough around the edges. And Melissa McGhee from Idol? I have a feeling people thought it was Katherine McPhee when she first came out. Definitely wasn't their first choice. Janelle looked great and Erika didn't look hoochie. Kristin Key was funny. I bet they had to offer all sorts of stuff to get anyone from LCS to come. Yolanda looked gorgeous. Who was that with her? Monica? I couldn't tell. The Deal or No Deal ladies were the ones I expected.. Tamika, Anja, and Claudia (former Barker's Beauty). Was that Tammy from The Apprentice? Looked very Apprentice-like. And Donyelle was ridiculous. She wasn't wearing a dress that seemed fancy enough for the event and then she proceeded to make ridiculous hand gestures. Awesome. And Wire, Tiger, and Red Oyster were Flav-alicious. Especially Red Oyster, being on her phone and all.

Furonda was fabulously Furonda-like as usual. Brooke looked cute and I wonder when this was shot because Brooke is back to blonde. It must have been fairly soon after the show ended, but then there's Jaeda's hair. It's considerably longer and if I do say so, looks amazing. I'm really glad that Jaeda looked so comfortable out there for all the times in the competition that she looked so uncomfortable. She was working it and looked really cute. AJ on the other hand, was just standing there looking awkward. I'm so glad Brookie and Jaeda were there. And Furonda. I miss her. Miss J at the end was ridiculous yet fabulous as always.

Anyway, so at the Seventeen shoot, there's also Beau Quillian, of Top Model Cycle 1 judging table, and George Holz, their photographer.

There's an awesome shot of Cari from the side with one arm over her head. I hope they use that one on the magazine and not the weird one with the yellow lollipop? What was that? Besides weird. What's funny is, Melrose is seen rinsing off the lollipop thing in the sink and I wonder if they made them use the same one. Because that would be amazing.

Melrose also uses this weird heart thing over her mouth. Atoosa says Melrose is really unique looking. Just like you, Atoosa. Just like you. Melrose also talks some bull about finding herself again. Did you look in the area where all the berets and fake tears were? Because that's where I would've looked. And then they left the shoot with large lollipops, so that must be some new theme of Seventeen?

TyraMail: Melrose pretends there are other people around and call out TyraMail a couple times, just being obnoxious and emphasizing the point that she's still there and other people aren't. TyraMail says something about not every couch is a modeling couch?

The girls meet with Tyra and Dr. Michelle, a life coach. They're probably hinting at the fact that Cari was once suicidal and want to make sure no relapse of that will occur. Well, here's how you ensure that, TyTy. Give her the title like she deserves. So basically, Cari is real in the interview and Melrose says some crap about how she's trying to find herself.

Runway Show! They get to be ghostly brides in one of the more ridiculous and also more excellent final runway shows of the series. I also liked the water one from Cycle 4. Dani is rejoining this episode to lead off the runway show. The first runway show she's done since her cycle ended, I'm guessing. Awww, poor sad non-supermodels these past winners have been. They have to pimp them out there by putting them back on the show.

So in the runway show, they have three walks, each one becoming more and more theatrical. The last one, they have to tear around the corner like crazed lunatics. Speaking of which, Miss J comes tearing around the corner to get prepared himself.

Dani reassured CariDee because even Dani knows who's gonna win. Tyra comes clomping in and makes her version of a crazy face. Then she wants to talk to the little girls that will be at the beginning of the show. They're adorable and Tyra's intention is to look like she's this nice supermodel that's good with kids. And it's true, it's a cute interaction because the kids are really cute.

So they start walking. Melrose has her serious face on. CariDee starts walking and I'm saying, "Don't fall, don't fall, please don't fall." They didn't cover up her tattoo. In walk number 2, they have to stop and stare down the model on the other side of the runway as they pass. So obviously, Melrose and CariDee will have to stare down each other. Nice.

So CariDee goes out first. On her way back and as Melrose is walking the other way, they stare down each other and Melrose does this weird lean-in thing where she stretches her neck out all strangely. Then Cari and the karma fairy decide that Melrose's train is too long and Cari accidentally steps on it and rips it. This is awesome because it obviously freaks Melrose out and she still has to go around the entire way. Then Miss J leaves to get all fashioned up for his entrance.

Melrose then proceeds to piss and whine. Like she cries a river, drinks it all up, and pisses on everybody's parade. Stupid Melrose. She's so annoying, even when Cari apologizes.

Miss J starts off the crazy scene with his running around hysterically. Then he goes into classic runway walk and it's pretty awesome. Melrose walks and holds up her dress a bit. Remember this when we go to judging later. Then Cari comes out and goes totally apeshit on us like CariDee is bound to do. It's wonderful in a ridiculous way.

Then it's the final walk down. As Dani is walking, Tyra actually stands up and motions for her to put her hands on her hips. While it's nice that Tyra's still invested in these girls after they leave, it's also kinda sad. Both because Tyra wants everybody to know that she's the best supermodel ever and also because Dani doesn't know how to do it right yet.

Backstage, we have the best moment ever. Melrose is sitting down and people are fanning her all over the place. In fact, so much so that one woman is taking her dress and fanning her with that. Hahahahaha. Because that's really what Melrose wants to be seeing and smelling right about now.

Final Two Judgement.. Tyra is wearing a yellow dress with a green waist band. It's not as hideous as other outfits, but it's a little Joy from So You Think You Can Dance when she wore that Big Bird dress. Tyra says, "Who would've guessed it would be Melrose and CariDee in the final two." Ummm.. me? I've been guessing it since like week four. And so have many other people. Haha.

As a sidenote, I love Cari's outfit. I love the dress, love the hair, and especially LOVE the shoes. So the judges liked Melrose's walk. They liked her crazy scene. They didn't like Cari's walk. I agree that her face was contorted horribly and it wasn't model-y. However, then Tyra proceeds to blow smoke about how Cari was holding the dress up too much and nobody could tell what the dress looked like. Well, like I said earlier, Melrose holds the dress up too and the only reason it looked better when she did it was because the dress that she was wearing was poofier.

They go through their old shots. Cari had a fabulous first shot. You know, she was called second that first week. Too bad it wasn't first. Then we could say she was first to begin with and first to end with. Whatever. Melrose sucked when she began and still sucks now. Mr. Jay then proceeds to stroke Tyra's ego. This is why he should never be on panel. Stop it. Then the matador shot? Nigel says it's one of his favorite shots of the entire thing. Either he's stroking his own ego or he's forgotten about how they dissed her that week.

In judgement, they talk about how Cari is a loose cannon and Melrose isn't likeable. Then Mr. Jay says that everybody on the panel is unpredictable and Tyra says, "Please. I'm not unpredictable. You know I'm gonna have a hair weave, lots of makeup on, and a dress cinched at the waist." Hahaha. So true. I'm glad she at least acknowledges once in awhile how ridiculous she is.

Tyra asks the girls what the competition has meant to them as they walk back out and CariDee thanks them for believing in her and gives a true answer. She's crying a little and then Melrose says, "You're going to make me cry," and tries to force out the tears. But we see no tears.



Tyra announces that this cycle's winner is CariDee and it's wonderful. It's really just great. Except they spelled it Caridee instead of CariDee. Oh well. This is one of the best Top Model finales ever! Yay CariDee! I'm gonna be on the look out for that issue of Seventeen.



And our reigning champ is now CariDee English! Until next cycle..

The Biggest Loser Episodes 11 & 12

Last time on An Episode I Don't Remember:
Something with weights. Adrian got canned.

This week on The Biggest Public Service Announcement:
So some places have referred to this long episode as two separate episodes, so I will as well. It was more like one real episode and one hugely rather unnecessary PSA. Of course I am glad they did something nice for their hometown communities, but really, I'd rather have seen the finale. I thought tonight would be the finale and this only means that during finals week, I will have the temptation of all these finales all over the place. TAR is having its finale right before my take home final is due and Biggest Loser is on right before I have to get up early for a two-final day. Boo on that.

In other news, Biggest Loser is going to high schools. Namely, Kim's alma mater and also Matt Hoover's. Matt was last year's Biggest Loser. Now I understand wanting to involve the past winner, but really, does this just mean that Bob didn't go to high school? And Matt, by the way? Has beefed up. He looks like he lifts a thousand pounds all the time when he works out. Crazy.

I don't want to cover this huge PSA, but I will say, I thought Kim couldn't count because I remember Bob saying he would have a team of five kids, and then Kim had six with her. Then I realized, oh.. looks like only five brave souls from that school wanted to contend with Bob.

That's it for "Episode 11."

This week on Was Suzy's Dream Always To Be That Ditsy Blonde Chick That Every Guy Slept With In High School?:
That's the longest title yet. Anyway, this entire episode is one big montage of everything that's already happened. It's like the reflection episode or something. There's a lot of tears. And I finally realized that I don't necessarily hate Kai. I think she's probably a good person. Heather though? Is annoying. She's always yelling at someone.

Oh, and I love how when they recapped all the fallen non-losers from this show that Jenn who was cut first is one of the people in better shape now. I think if Jenn would have stayed longer, I would have liked her. She didn't seem like the type to put up a good fight, but she wouldn't have been annoying like Heather. And Heather? Guess what.. you don't actually have a chance in winning this. I have a feeling you're not a Suzy. You won't magically become like 110 pounds. You'll probably even out at 130-ish 140-ish. Not that that's a problem at all. I would like to be that weight. It's just, really, Kai is one who has a good chance. She's the one that might have a chance at being the first female Biggest Loser.

So they have this faux challenge in which nobody wins anything. Or I guess as the trainers would put it, everybody wins. Oh, but first, in a weird segment, the contestants get to train the trainers. Which didn't seem like it was that exciting to me. Because don't trainers do this all the time? You won't be able to break them down. Anyway..

The challenge is a triathalon and it's supposed to be a reflection on how they wouldn't have been able to do this when they first got on the ranch. They all decide to do it together instead of racing to win. Which is nice. Except when Heather can't run because of her knee, only Kim and Kai stick with her and the boys run with Bob.

Blah, blah, everybody's so much thinner. At the weigh in, everybody pulls big numbers. Heather pulls a 7 out of her ass. I don't know how because she hasn't been able to run at all. Eric pulls a 12, putting him square into the finals. Here's the thing with Eric. At a healthy weight, he would probably weigh close to as much as the other men. However, he started at a way higher number. If he can get down to the same weight as Wylie at the final weigh-in, then he'll have the biggest percentage by far. It'll be nice. I like Eric. He should win.

Anyway, Kai only loses 4 pounds and Jaron loses 7, which put the two of them in the bottom 2. Of course, they all keep their initial group strong and kick out Jaron. The final four are Eric, Wylie, Heather, and Kai. I would have rather seen Pam here over Heather. That girl didn't make excuses. She pushed herself hard.

We don't even get to see an after-the-ranch interview segment of Jaron. Instead, the final four head home and we see the first glimpses of them being welcomed by family.

Next week on The Biggest Loser Finale:
They hint at one contestant perhaps failing to continue their weight loss plan. They suggest that it's Kai who has the dilemma, so I'll go out on a limb and say she's the winner. If there is actually news, I would say maybe someone's pregnant or something. I hope Eric comes back completely unrecognizable. He's such a trooper.

How Did I Miss This?

I saw the VH1 video that was posted on ANTPodcast and I thought, they must have had this before. So I went looking for anything from past years and stumbled onto this. How ridiculous.

Here's the Ladies of Reality 06 Clip:

Survivor Episode 12

Clip of the Week:


Last week on The Best Episode Ever:
Aitu pulls Jonathan over and they vote out Nate without Yul even having to think of the hidden immunity idol. It's beautiful. Oh, and Candice and Adam suck.

This week on Hey, Let's Auction a Bathtub This Season:
So I could say that I haven't been on the ball with recaps because of dead week and finals here at school. However, that is not the case. It's because I recently got Insaniquarium Deluxe and have not been able to stop playing. I just this program called Fishinator, in which you can change the number of shells you have and then proceed to buy as many fish as possible. It's taken up a little bit of my time. Just a little.

Back to Survivor.. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to do an actual recap or do speaking points. I rewatched the show yesterday and took some good notes. Hmmm. Let's do speaking points. We need to talk about 1) Jonathan's betrayal, Raro's response and Jonathan's response to Raro; 2) Auction; 3) Yul revealing that he has the Idol; 4) Who is the leader of the Aitu Dream Team; 5) Immunity; 6) Food fight; and 7) Jury manipulation and interaction.

1- Jonathan's betrayal, Raro's response and Jonathan's response to Raro:
The very beginning of the episode shows Jonathan quietly talking to Candice about flipping. Candice seems fairly ambivalent about the vote and says she understands Jonathan's reasoning. He explains to her that either he was going home or she was going home. Candice seems to possess some particular brain cell the rest of Raro is missing. She acknowledges the possibility that Yul has the Idol and is willing to think a little deeper about the game. Not saying that I like her, it's just, how do Adam and Parvati think it's impossible that Yul has the Idol?

Adam and Parvati piss and moan about how Jonathan is a rat and Jonathan could really care less. He tells them that Yul has the Idol and then sits back and shakes his head incredulously when they insist that it isn't possible. Here's my question. If Yul doesn't have it, then who does? I don't even remember who's been to Exile. Jonathan doesn't have it. Adam doesn't have it. Nobody that's left had it. Candice doesn't have it. Now, if Candice doesn't have it, it's pretty obvious, wouldn't you think. She's been out there enough times to have dug up the entire island and relocated it. I'm pretty sure she would know if there was a hidden immunity idol still there.

2- Auction:
I love the auction because it usually involves some good prizes and some bad ones. This auction was a little disappointing in some ways but as far as the twist goes, it was excellent. So as they walk in, we see the little money pouches and the benches and I scream "auction!" The gist of Survivor Auction is everybody's given the same amount of money to start with ($500) and bidding starts goes in increments of $20 minimum. Some items are covered, others are not. Sharing money is okay but sharing the prize is not. This is a great rules because that crap about three people sharing a pizza from some other season takes away the strategic part of the game. The auction can end at any time.

So in this auction, what basically happened was Jonathan took everything because people were being cautious. First, he gets a hot dog, fries, and cold beer. He spills some beer on people, which is hilarious, and since they're not allowed to share food, I bet they weren't allowed to lick the beer off of themselves. Haha.

Then, Jeff pulls out a bathtub. Yes. A bathtub. They decided to auction off a hot bubble bath and chocolate cake on the side. Parvati eventually wins it, but not before Jonathan pushes the bid up. Jeff wonders if Jonathan is just trying to get Parvati to spend all of her money. Knowing Jonathan, I bet that was it. He's quite a strategic player. It's too bad his downfall is his obnoxiousness.

From the moment that Parvati won the bath, the entire show became so much funnier. Everybody knows I like Parvati. Her stock has gone way down after this episode and I no longer want her to do well. However, that said, I think she will be the last remaining Raro member and outlast Jonathan and perhaps Ozzy, if Becky is thinking what I'm thinking. Parvati has never watched Survivor. How do I know this? She just doesn't know some of the fundamentals. She doesn't really know how to play the strategic game. She didn't know that some of the items in the auction would be covered. She probably doesn't know what the jury is. She just makes these comments sometimes that make me wonder if she'd even heard of Survivor before she was cast.

Anyway, the best moment in this episode was when Jeff offered a sealed note that would give its winner power in the game. Did anybody watch Survivor Guatemala when Danni won something similar? It led to her win in the immunity challenge and her eventual conquering of the entire game. When Jeff offers up power, you take it. Bidding starts and Aitu is interested. Yul tells Becky that he'll give her whatever money, showing who wears the pants in that relationship. Candice then asks Adam if she can have some money, showing who wears the pants in that relationship. Eventually, Becky wins it with $640 bid.

What Becky's prize entails is she gets to send someone immediately to Exile Island and take all of their money. Yul then informs us that Candice and Adam both have $500. Becky of course sends Candice for just about the fourth time in a row. All together.. hahaha. Now, I wonder if Becky used all of her money and borrowed $140 from Yul or if Yul gave her all of his money and she now has a gazillion dollars. Never mind, I think Yul still has money. That's a stupid question. I just wanted to say "I wonder who wears the pants in that relationship" again.

As Candice leaves for Exile, Parvati gives the best expression ever. It's in my clip of the week. I don't know if anybody else finds it as funny as I do, but her face totally says "sucks for you, but at least it's not me" as she frowns and scrubs her back. Hahaha.

Ozzy wins never-ending ice cream for $420. Jonathan gets pizza for $240. Sundra chirps in for a bid of $140 that gets her a sea cucumber from their beach. I kinda wished there were more of these prizes like in seasons prior. They're always funny. Unfortunately, Sundra got the gag prize instead of Adam or Nate. I know Nate's not here anymore, but I can still wish he had spent $400 on a cup of sea water or something. Jonathan then gets mouthwash for $100. Nobody else seems to want it. Nobody else sees the logic that the auction is now ending, either.

3- Yul revealing that he has the Idol:
It's way too late to be writing, but I have to somewhat finish this so I can write up a Top Model recap the minute I am able to watch the entire episode. I saw part of it today when I was at the school Coffee House for a study break, but I didn't have my notepad. Plus, no recap is good after just the first viewing.

Anyway, so Yul revealed that he has the Idol. This was perhaps his only big mistake thus far in the game. I think it would have been a much better idea letting Adam and Parvati think that Jonathan was lying about Yul having the Idol and jumping ship for no reason. The minute Yul reveals that he has the Idol, he reveals part of his game. The Idol is a huge tool for manipulation in this game and now there is a reason for people to look at Yul. Before, he was just part of the minority that was desperately trying to get some help. Now, he's seen as a puppet master and manipulator that used the idea basically to threaten Jonathan into switching. All of a sudden, Yul isn't just trying to be diplomatic. He's playing and he's playing hard. And the minute he mentions it, Becky's face is totally "oh no you didn't." She did not want that out there.

4- Who is the leader of the Aitu Dream Team:
That brings me to this point. An excellent podcast that I listen to called Armchair Survivor (http://survivor.tubecasts.com) talked about who the leader of the Aitu tribe really is. I've been saying (or at least thinking) for awhile now that Becky is really the new Amber. I'm sorry, Becky, that's a horrible comparison since she wouldn't hold a candle to you (is that even the saying? I'm tired..) in this game. Yul and Rob Mariano, though? Play the game much differently and are different types of personalities, but the two of them are definitely in the top three best Survivor players ever. (Yes, I think Morasca is the best. I know a lot of people don't like her, but don't think worse of me because of that. She actually gave up an immunity necklace to Heidi once and managed to not get voted off herself. That's pretty incredible if you ask me.)

Here's how I see it. Yul is the leader of Aitu. He's the one with the speeches that bring everybody together. He's the one whispering motivational words. He's the one who appears to be leading the team. However, when it comes down to it, he answers to Becky. I wouldn't say Becky is the leader because she does not act like one. This perhaps makes her the smarter player. She is very good at knowing when to speak. She doesn't need theatrics and she doesn't need attention. She is one of few people who have both played this game well and also not played to the cameras. She is what she is and I love that. She sometimes has unpleasant expressions on her face but that's just her being her. She's not trying to look good on TV. That's just what I think.

5- Immunity:
I want to address the fact that Parvati was the first one to move on to the second round. I watched the episode for a second time a few days ago because I couldn't remember what happened enough to write a recap. Anyway, so the immunity challenge is about numbers. They have to remember numbers that are related to what has happened in the game and then add/subtract/multiply/divide them. So it's like take how many times somebody's called Jonathan a snake, divide it by how many times Candice has gone to Exile, subtract the number of brain cells in Nate's head, and then add the square root of the number of fish Parvati has gutted.

That wasn't actually part of the challenge, but I'm just trying to reason out how Parvati, Adam, Jonathan, and Candice did so well. So the best part of this challenge, which I unfortunatetly didn't notice until I rewatched the show.. When Parvati raises her flag and moves on to the next round, she has to squeal before Jeff even looks in her direction and announces that she's moved on. It's like Jeff had no faith in her whatsoever. After she squealed, he looked so shocked. It was classic. Jeff's no Anderson Cooper, but he has had some amazing moments, especially this episode.

So Parvati, Jonathan, and Adam move on and Candice just barely loses to Adam. Then they have to do a second set of numbers. I must have been the number of times Adam and Candice have kissed, divided by the number of girls Adam has banged since being on Survivor, minus the number of people from Big Brother that Adam reminds me of. Oh, sorry. I just think Adam is like Howie. They have the same demeanor. The answer to that problem I gave, by the way, is "way too many" divided by "2" minus "1." I guess Parvati knew part 2 right away, but the other two were more difficult.

So Adam won immunity. If anybody is reading this to find out what happened, you are so out of luck because I am having concentration issues and this recap has been ridiculous. My roommate talks in her sleep sometime and I just thought she was telling me to be quiet. Ah, my life.. so strange.

6- Food fight:
This was one of the lower points in Survivor history. First of all, let's address the food issue. At this point, I think if you're not catching the fish, if you're not helping cook the fish, if you've never touched a fish before it was cooked, if you're spending your time being awful and rude, you should not have the privilege of eating. Here's what I say. Next time someone brings in fish, hang half of the fish to Raro and say, "Here's your food. We're giving you half of what was caught. There's more of us than you, so we're being generous. You can cook first if you want." Being completely nice about it. Just lay it out there. You need to earn your food. This isn't your mother's house. We don't just serve you.

Moving on. The one thing that makes me the most uncomfortable is when someone calls me out about talking about someone else. SO unnecessary and uncomfortable. If it was so rude, you could tell that other person in private and then that person could choose to come talk to me. I hate that. It's like, shut up already. All I have to say.. Can it, Candice. It's such an uncomfortable situation and always makes the person doing the calling-out look really immature. I hate it. Yul responded very well and luckily he isn't an ass, because that could have turned really heated and ugly real fast. For me, that was the moment when it was obvious who should go home.

7- Jury manipulation and interaction:
This tribal council was really weird. There was a lot of interaction with the jury, but I wonder if that's because there were many more shots of the jury in this episode. Maybe it was all editing because the jury was more animated. Who knows. Either way, though, I don't like the players indirectly addressing the jury. I don't like them putting on a show for the jury. I really hope Brad, Rebecca, and Jenny see through this.

Anyway, I want to go to sleep now. It's late. Even for me. So it's confirmed that there will be a final three. I don't think this is news because the finale is announced for next next Sunday. I will be home-home. I just want to make some predictions. I think the final three will include Yul and Becky unless something drastic happens. I want to say Sundra's the third. However, if Adam does not win immunity next week, he has a good chance of leaving. If he does win again, though, Jonathan will probably go. Then, I can see Parvati sneaking through to the final three. I say Becky wins. Mostly because she's my favorite. And my predicting Top Model correctly does not mean I have any clue about Survivor. It's the most unpredictable.

Thanks for the comments, those three of you who have left some. I'm glad to have some feedback. Whatever will I do when these current shows all end next week? I might have to start recapping Veronica Mars. Hmmm. Or maybe I'll do a couple Blasts from the Past. I can pick my favorite episodes of certain shows and recap them with the help of many screenshots and video clips. That could be good. I guess we'll see. Or I'll end up watching Law and Order reruns, poker tournaments, and a lot of Bravo and Food Network on my TV at home and get really lazy. That sounds more like me. Anyway..

Until next time..

America's Next Top Model Episode 12

Last week on Apparently Nigel has a Stick Up His Ass:
Melrose was annoying. The twins were useless. Caridee told the truth. Eugena was flexible. Michelle thought she was the weakest link. And Tyra said goodbye to her.

This week on The Psychomaniac Serial Killer Has a Breakdown:
So I did go to tutoring this morning and we did make gingerbread houses and it was totally worth it. And after this sentence, I will no longer have to type the word gingerbread again because my hands think I'm trying to type break instead of bread ALL the time.

I did take notes because it's impossible to remember all of the unintentional hilarity without notes. Also, if anyone reading takes notes while watching reality shows for some reason, you'll know what I mean when I say Top Model goes so much faster than other shows.

We begin this episode with Caridee and Melrose dressing Amanda. For some reason, I don't think having Melrose dress you is the best idea ever. At one point, Amanda says the line, "help a sister out." Haha. There is some talk about how Michelle sacrificed herself. Everybody knows it's true. Amanda acknowledges it. Cari starts going on about how Michelle is amazing. Ummm.. that's kinda out of left field. Were you her secret lover?

TyraMail says something about working with a partner, which means it's ethnic dance time. One of my favorite times. Why, you say? Observe:



Awww, I miss Furonda. So the instructor/judge for this dancing fiasco is a short guy, according to Cari. He is short compared to them. I didn't catch his name. Here's how it goes down.. Eugena apparently is a dancer. There's always one of those (named Naima or YaYa) in each cycle, don't you think?

The dude gives some critiques. It's apparent that Eugena is the best. Amanda looks awkward (Surprise!) and Cari and Melrose both seem to catch on. Eugena gets a thumbs up from the dude. She was on top. So in the past two months, Eugena has gone from bottom of the barrel to wanting to be on top. And from the most annoying dead personality face in the world to somebody that I'm maybe kinda starting to like.

So the surprise of the episode is that Miss J arrives for dinner. Melrose yaps and yaps and yaps and yaps. She's totally salivating heavily throughout this entire segment and it's not because the food looks yummy. Cari says that Melrose should be medicated. Or maybe she didn't say that and I wrote it down as my own thought. Either way, Cari and I both believe that Melrose should be medicated.

By the way, Cari has a lot of confessionals really early on in this episode and I started to worry a little because too much focus early on in an episode usually means bye-bye birdie. Then I realized that they really don't have anyone else to turn to for accurate, interesting, and funny commentary. Amanda would be boring, Eugena would be too bitchy and not funny enough, and Smellrose would focus on just how much she rocks.

TyraMail says something about stiff competition maybe? I don't know. We see Cari and Amanda practicing their dance that night. Hmmm I wonder if they'll mention this extra prep work. (No, of course not. They're not Melrose.) Eugena doesn't have to practice because she's naturally gifted or something. Melrose surprisingly doesn't try to one-up the girls and hire a partner and a full band to accompany her practicing. She says something about not needing to practice.

In another very ambiguously strange scene, Cari tells Eugena to feel her armpits. Apparently the two of them are friends. Maybe this is another reason why I've started to like Eugena more. It's like with Jaeda, if Brooke is friends with you, you must be cool. In this case, if Caridee is friends with you, you must be all right yourself.

Then there's this way outta left field back and forth talk about how Cari and Melrose don't like each other. Cari calls Melrose a WWE wrestler. Fake or something. Didn't Melrose pick Caridee to share her challenge win last week? Uh. Is this playing up to a Caridee/Melrose final two? A la Adrianne Curry/Shannon Stewart, Eva Pigford/YaYa DaCosta, Nicole Linkletter (who I always want to call Katie)/Nic Pace. Final two pairs who didn't really get along? Not that anybody gets along with Smellrose.

Quick Top Model fact: Did you know that of the six previous seasons, only one winner has been the first to be given a photo at judging in the final three? Meaning every other winner was in the bottom two during the final three judgement. I think this is very interesting. Meaning either the fashion show runway is crucial in deciding the winner, or it's never who the judges are most confident in.. it's usually the bigger risk that they go with. The only winner to receive her picture first in final three judging was Naima. In every other case.. Shannon, Mercedes, YaYa, Nic, Joanie.. the runner-up was chosen first. I think it's an interesitng statisitc. And Joanie was never in the bottom two. Ever.

Bringing it back to the episode at hand.. their test this week is a dance performance that will be photographed. They get into full flamenco garb. Caridee's dress is class black and white and maybe the least absurd. Eugena, as the last ethnic girl left, is put in the purple dress to represent Queen Latifah's whole purple-look-good-on-ethnic-girls spiel. Remember that? Oh, right. Stay focused, stay on topic.

The dude from before makes some comments on each of the girls as they dance. It, unfortunately, is not a whole production. We only see bits of dancing. Cari shows chemistry with her partner. Eugena is elegant. Amanda is working harder than yesterday and looks sweet. Smelly messes up. The best part is Melrose forgetting some steps. According to her, when she messes up, everything has to stop around her and she has to start over. Not in this, pisspot.

Eugena wins and picks Amanda. We all expected her to pick Caridee after the whole armpit thing and pillow fights and sleepovers, but Cari quickly confessionals that she's glad Amanda got picked because Amanda hasn't won anything. True, but she's shared in a couple challenge wins. Melrose's Seventeen spread win and Michelle's white girl alliance win come to mind. Anyway, Amanda is chosen.

Then, in one of the best examples of why Melrose is both bipolar and schizophrenic and an all-around whack job, she breaks downs and freaks out. Apparently when she doesn't do well, the world is coming to an end and we all have to take time to watch her steal the moment. Instead of congratulating Eugena, Smelly goes on about how disappointed she is in herself. And get this.. dancing is her soul. She doesn't think it should be choreographed or tested or whatever. It should just be free and natural or something like that. You lost, Melrose. Can it.

When the girls get home, there are presents waiting. Unfortunately, it is not loved ones in boxes (best reward ever), but there are three boxes there. Eugena gets two and Amanda gets one. They are high end clothing. They both get jackets and Eugena gets an additional item like pants or a shirt. I don't remember. Either way, Melrose is jealous because winning all the other prizes wasn't enough. Bitch wants it all.

There is more Cari/Melrose drama. Foreshadowing..

TyraMail mentions everything possible that could be related to water. Drown.. sink.. float. All that. So the photo shoot is with Tyra as a special guest. Surprise, surprise. She wants to participate for once. The girls have to get in pairs and pose together in the water. Cari and Amanda are together and Eugena and Melrose are together. They have to be ethereal nymphs. Sweet.

The water is cold.

Smelly and Eugena go first and Tyra says that Melrose is good again. Eugena is surprisingly flat and has a dead personality of a cat. A dead cat. I've stopped taking their word for how shoots went, though, unless it's obvious and they're shooting Jaeda or something. Awww, Jaeda. I started to like you, but we all know your pictures sucked.

Amanda says "no bueno" regarding the cold water. The water is cold. Apparently. Cari and Amanda aren't the greatest. Caridee looks like she's dying at one point. Finally, she wants a moment and they pull her out of the water convulsing. She needs medical attention because the water is so cold that she's on the verge of actually freezing. Sweet. The glamorous part of modeling.

Amanda gets to do the last 50 frames by herself and they'll Photoshop a better picture into one with Caridee if needed.

The Tyra pic before judgement is of her in a bathtub. I prefer the bull picture, but hey.

Melrose and Eugena are up first. Smelly has a fish mouth. Of course, nobody cares because Melrose's insanity is just what being a top model is about. Whatever.

Amanda and Cari are next and Amanda's leg looks broken in the picture of her dancing. There's mention of Caridee freezing to death. Apparently it's doubly her fault for having a body that responds poorly to freezing cold water and also for not telling them earlier about it. Whatever, Tyra.

Then Tyra goes on to piss me off more by declaring that the spotlight is hers. She wants to dance with Miss J, who is demonstrating how to dance-pose. Miss J totally does not want to dance with Tyra and says just as much. Tyra forces the dance and looky there.. her shoe falls off during the dance. I bet myself 100 bucks that she'd point it out to the girls as an example of how awesome she is. Of course. Shut up, Tyra. Miss J doesn't even like you. She's like, "See? My shoe fell off. And I kept on working it." Can it. Maybe your shoe fell off because your flippers have gotten heavier after all of those baked bean burritos. Maybe the force of your body surprised that poor shoe and it made a run for it.

During the discussion amongst the judges, they finally point out Melrose's stupid berets. Someone, maybe Twiggy, says, "What's up with that hat." Haha. And Nigel calls Caridee high maintenance. Which, where did that come from? You're high maintenance, Nigel. You're stuffy, have no sense of humor or humility, and you're completely miserable to watch on this show. Go away.

So, Tyra calls Melrose first. Then Eugena. Cari and Amanda are bottom two. I guess Caridee did do 50 less frames. Maybe that was it. Tyra calls Caridee and tells her that maybe her body isn't built for this job. What the hell? And then she says Caridee also has to let people know if her body isn't doing well. So she should get her body to be stronger in these extreme circumstances, yet when she was trying to block out the pain and make her body withstand the cold, this was also a problem. Pick one, Tyra. Either she needs to push through the pain or she needs to know her limits. Not both. Stupid.

Anyway, Amanda is out and she's pretty heartbroken in her goodbye. She says Top Model is breaking up with her. And she doesn't want to wake up tomorrow and have it be just a normal day. She wants to live in the fantasy land that is reality television forever and ever. Bye, Amanda. I so called this.

Next week on The Episode Where CariDee Becomes America's Next Top Model:
Eugena gets cut first when they realize that she's still here and wasn't cut in the third episode. Then Cari and Melrose have a walkoff and the judges decide that Melrose is psycho and Caridee is awesome. Caridee wins.

The Biggest Loser Episode 10

Last time on The Biggest Loser:
Adrain threw a hissy fit. Kai biked really hard. Wiley didn't lose any weight. Eric and Marty were the only blues left. Eric voted out Marty.

This week on A Rather Uneventful Episode:
We knew it would be a big deal and it is. Eric has to face Bob after voting out Marty. As expected, Bob throws a tantrum. Here's the thing that I don't like about this show. The trainers aren't strong enough. It's like I want Bob and Kim to be these strong, unbreakable, reasonable forces. I want them to give the correct advice all the time and I don't want them to be part of the drama. I guess, in a way, I want them to be Tim Gunn. Which they aren't and will never be because nobody can measure up to Tim. However, they're just as much part of the drama as the contestants.

Bob even breaks down and says he has to see all of these people leave every week and it sucks. And no matter how Eric tries to explain it, Bob doesn't get it. Maybe it's the Truman Show. Everybody but Bob knows that this is a TV show.. it's a game. Eric was playing smart. It's true that it could have been a big challenge and great competition to be at the end with Marty, but if Eric wants to win, Marty's someone that needed to go sooner rather than later. Anyway, Bob finally decides to completely forget that he's mad at Eric and they start training really really hard.

So they arrive at some horse racing place.. what's that called? I don't know. They arrive for their challenge. Each of them will have to strap on weights that represent each amount of weight they lost in the preceding weeks. Then, they have to run around like they're horses in a derby and drop off the weight that corresponds to each week in respective barrels. First to cross the finish line wins a visit from home.

I think this is a great challenge, perhaps the best they've had. I really like to idea to putting the old weight back on so that they know just how much they've changed. Eric has to put on 100 pounds! That's crazy. Not only should this show them how much heavier they once were, but this should also show them how much stronger they are now. None of them could've ran this race on day 1. Now they're all here giving it their all and running with the amount of weight they carried when they started. I think it's great. If anything will shock them into being afraid of going back to how they were before, this will.

Heather can't race because she hurt her ankle. Maybe the karma fairy came by and made a pothole appear in front of her when she was walking. I don't like Heather. She's the one that yelled at Jenn on the first episode. That was so mean. Jenn's probably lighter than Heather is now. I remember seeing her clip from home and she looked like she lost a lot of weight.

Anyway.. so the front runners in this race seem to be Wiley, Jaron, and Adrian. Wiley and Adrian both at one point miss when they toss their weight into a barrel and have to run back and put it in. This makes them lose valuable time and Jaron ends up winining, with Adrian just seconds behind him. I'm surprised that everybody knew exactly how much they had lost each week. I'm also pretty pleased that the two at-home contestants did the best in this endurance challenge. It shows that while being at the ranch helps everybody a lot, perhaps Bob and Kim aren't the best at building endurance. Or at least, two people did better at building endurance at home than the four at the ranch did. Sucked for Eric having to carry so much weight, but Jaron was carrying almost as much and he rocked.

There's a lot of filler, or there must be, because I don't remember what else happened. Jaron's wife Tara arrives and says how proud she is of Jaron. Everybody seemed only mildly interested that she's around and nothing exciting happens. There's a lot of Bob/Eric time where Bob talks about how Eric is working to keep not only himself on the ranch, but Bob as well. There's a lot of foreshadowing that tells us Eric will actually pull a huge number and not be in danger.

At the weigh-in, we find out how hardcore this competition really is. It isn't about being consistent in losing weight. It's about being consistent in losing a lot of weight. I never watched the first two seasons completely, but I've seem most episodes.. enough to know that contestants were never losing this much weight so late in the game. This is amazing. Kai does really well, making herself the woman who's lost the most weight as far as numbers go. Jaron does well. Wiley pulls a gazillion pounds or something, after losing nothing last week. Heather gets a 5, which is typical of her, but not enough for this week. Adrian gets 2, which is better than nothing, and nothing to snort at being at the weight she's currently at. She pisses and moans about how she'll always be the chunky girl or something. Which, look around you.. see anybody smaller than you? No. Go away.

Eric is last and he gets the whole extreme dramatic edit for the week. Eric has lost 12 pounds, which makes his weight lost for the past three weeks almost the same as Heather's total weight loss. Not that the two of them started at the same weight. But this is huge. Eric is in the 200's and it makes him really happy. That's awesome. He's gone from 400-something to 200-something. He's lost the most weight anybody's lost on this show. Really? Suzy from last season got tiny. And the guy who won the voted-off players challenge lost a lot too. Either way, that's great for everybody.

Bob finds out that Eric is amazing and he's thrilled. Kim looks worried, but then she finds out Adrian is in the bottom 2 and we all know Kim doesn't love Adrian like a child like she loves her originals. More like a stepdaughter. Too bad. Kai votes for Adrian because Heather is her heart or something. No wonder she's so cold-hearted. Jaron votes for Heather because Adrian is of his kind. Either Wiley or Eric votes for Adrian, I don't remember. Anyway, Adrian has to go home and we don't see the last vote because the tiebreaker in this game once it's down to individuals is whoever lost the least percentage of weight goes home.

In Adrian's post-show clips, I think she's gained a couple pounds. She looks good, though, so whatever. Whatever, Adrian.

Next week on The Biggest Loser:
It's a two-hour show, so I think it's the finale? I'm not sure. Anyway, there's one more cut before the final weigh-in and Eric has to go for it as hard as he can to pull another huge number. At the final four, contestants will return to their homes and continue working out there before they all return to have their final weigh-ins. This is the best part. I love before and after shots of anything. Whether it's makeovers, weight loss, home remodeling, whatever. It should be good.