Best Moments from Top Model

Here's what I did this finals week. I am heading home-home in a few hours and then I'll pop those finale recaps out one by one. The Survivor recap will just be one large recap.

If you watch the video and want to see all of the best moments of cycle 7, reserve about 15 minutes because that's how long it is. At the end, there's supposed to be a section all about Tyra's judging outfits and her being obnoxious, but the file was too big, so I'll add it on later. Oh, and if you're watching the whole thing, don't skip the opening credits because there's a special surprise there.

America's Next Top Model Episode 13 (Finale)

Last week on Shame On You For Getting Hypothermia:
Girls flamenco-ed. Eugena won the dancing challenge and she and Amanda got expensive clothing. Melrose had a breakdown and it was awesome. They had to be ethereal nymphs in pairs, shooting in a pool with cold water. Caridee literally froze, which means she's not as special as Tyra, who's never done a cold shoot in her life. Top Model broke up with Amanda and sent her home.



This week on The Episode Where CariDee Becomes America's Next Top Model:
We begin with the question, "Who will be America's Next Top Model?" Will it be Eugena, the girl who should have gone home weeks ago when she was in the bottom two with Brooke? Will it be Melrose, the annoying bipolar brown-nosing perfectionist with bug eyes and fish lips in all of her photos? Or will it be CariDee, the girl who is the perfect mix or talent, natural beauty, bubbliness, craziness, and determination? Hmmm..

Since this is the finale and they've decided to cram it into a one hour show, everything seems really rushed, especially the first half leading to the last elimination. We enter this episode immediately at a Covergirl commercial and photoshoot. And Dani(elle), last season's winner, is the special guest. She looks excited because this is probably the biggest job she's landed since winning.. a spot as a guest on Top Model! That must have been hard to bag.

They bring up the fact that it's now Dani, not Danielle, and as she's talking, I see the lightbulb go on in Eugena's head. Dani's the most recent winner. Dani's black. Dani was much better on the show than Eugena. Hmmm. They've never had a blonde winner before. Looks like somebody might be sent home soon.

As they've getting make-up and hair for the commercial, Melrose is practicing her lines really loudly and it's bothering Cari. She says she's got to stop listening to Melrose and Melrose says, "Then stop listening to me, ho." Classy. Eugena lets us know that she and Cari want it to be the two of them in the final two because Melrose sucks balls.

Caridee starts off rough and can't get her lines straight. She lets loose and goes a little crazy for a bit and then does a great job with the commercial.

Eugena is stiff. Surprise! She's bland and looks and sounds pretty dead. And with that lipstick on there? Her lips look huge. Somehow she pulls off a better performance eventually.

Melrose is nervous and messes up her lines. Then she gets all aggressive and tries to force the product to the viewers. Jay tells her that there's time for one more and she wants a hundred more because she wants to be perfect. Ugh. Jay tells her he doesn't wnt fake energy from her. She does a decent job on the last go around.

Then she proceeds to mini-freak out and the hair guy has to tell her to calm down and focus on the photoshoot. In the photoshoot, her lips are quivering. She's too tense throughout and her expression comes out looking forced.

Cari tries to look relaxed and blissful and she looks a lot like the shot of her in the intro. Occasionally, her eyes go a little crazy, but on film, I'm sure everything came out great. She looks amazing.

Eugena doesn't want Tyra to tell her she has dead eyes anymore. The clip of her doing her shoot is really short because, you know, you have to cut down the episode somewhere.

Then they have to do a scene in the commercial where they're all together. And they have gorgeous dresses on, by the way. When they say "Covergirl," they're supposed to all fall back onto a couch and Caridee totally flashes the camera.

TyraMail: Final 3 Judging

Tyra is wearing a red dress with black at the top of the bust, which makes it look like she wore a bra that was too big for the dress. Cari looks like a model. She's dressed really model-y. Melrose is either wearing black pants that have a weird shine to them or she's wear shear leggings. It's weird.

They watch the commercial, which is pretty good. It's cute at least. Tyra thinks it's good and Cari responds with one of her open-mouthed big laughs.

Melrose is up first. They don't like her photo. Tyra says maybe Melrose isn't a natural beauty shot girl. Which is basically saying maybe she's not actually beautiful. Which is mean and funny. Haha.

Eugena might have some personality, judging from the commercial. Her beauty shot is good, too, but the judges wonder why she's still here. I think they suddenly realized, "We've gotten rid of ten girls and this one's still around?"

Cari is over the top in her commercial. They point out what I didn't see the first go around. Cari frowns every once in awhile during the commercial and it's very slight, but I think it's related to how in the Spanish commercial, her eyes were all crazy. When she thinks, she can't control her facial expressions. It's really interesting. Just barely noticeable, though. And her film is incredible, apparently. Her shot is gorgeous and they say she blew the other two away.

Judgement: Miss J says "it's the CariDee mystery." Melrose isn't a natural. Eugena doesn't want it enough.

Cari is called first, which means she joins Naima as one of only two girls who have been called first in final 3 judging and gone on to win the competition. Then, Tyra calls Melrose and CariDee makes this awesome face that's all "wtf?" As Tyra's talking to Melrose about how her photo sucked, Eugena looks back at Cari and Cari shakes her head slightly.

Then, in the best scene ever, Cari and Eugena are in the middle of this huge hug and Melrose tries to intercept it. Like, "Oh, we're in front of the judges. Pretend that they like me. Just pretend." I kinda wish Eugena would've said to Melrose, "Stop pretending. Nobody likes you." That would've been classy. Cari says to Eugena that she'll win it for her.

Now, on The Battle of the Blondes:
Eugena has written a letter for CariDee and we see her reading it as she and Melrose return to the loft. Eugena says it's about time that a natural blonde wins this. I totally agree. I would have been happy with either Brooke or CariDee.

TyraMail on the window of a car. When Tyra first came to Paris to begin modeling, she was only SEVENTEEN years old. Because remember, this show is all about Tyra.

The girls are shooting for Seventeen, the shot that will be the cover of the magazine. We get the pleasure of meeting the ever-so-scary Atoosa Rubenstein, the resident HBIC, as New York would say. By the way, if anyone hasn't watched that Ladies in Reality 06 video clip yet, scroll down a couple entries and watch the second video. New York and Deelishis both look really different. And our girls from this Top Model, Brooke, Jaeda, and AJ are there, along with Furonda and Joanie.

Let's take a moment and talk about that. Of course some excellent girls from Top Model were there, but for some other shows, it was so obvious that the girl there was like the seventh on the list of who they wanted. Courtney Marit from Survivor? The dress was slamming, but that chick is a little rough around the edges. And Melissa McGhee from Idol? I have a feeling people thought it was Katherine McPhee when she first came out. Definitely wasn't their first choice. Janelle looked great and Erika didn't look hoochie. Kristin Key was funny. I bet they had to offer all sorts of stuff to get anyone from LCS to come. Yolanda looked gorgeous. Who was that with her? Monica? I couldn't tell. The Deal or No Deal ladies were the ones I expected.. Tamika, Anja, and Claudia (former Barker's Beauty). Was that Tammy from The Apprentice? Looked very Apprentice-like. And Donyelle was ridiculous. She wasn't wearing a dress that seemed fancy enough for the event and then she proceeded to make ridiculous hand gestures. Awesome. And Wire, Tiger, and Red Oyster were Flav-alicious. Especially Red Oyster, being on her phone and all.

Furonda was fabulously Furonda-like as usual. Brooke looked cute and I wonder when this was shot because Brooke is back to blonde. It must have been fairly soon after the show ended, but then there's Jaeda's hair. It's considerably longer and if I do say so, looks amazing. I'm really glad that Jaeda looked so comfortable out there for all the times in the competition that she looked so uncomfortable. She was working it and looked really cute. AJ on the other hand, was just standing there looking awkward. I'm so glad Brookie and Jaeda were there. And Furonda. I miss her. Miss J at the end was ridiculous yet fabulous as always.

Anyway, so at the Seventeen shoot, there's also Beau Quillian, of Top Model Cycle 1 judging table, and George Holz, their photographer.

There's an awesome shot of Cari from the side with one arm over her head. I hope they use that one on the magazine and not the weird one with the yellow lollipop? What was that? Besides weird. What's funny is, Melrose is seen rinsing off the lollipop thing in the sink and I wonder if they made them use the same one. Because that would be amazing.

Melrose also uses this weird heart thing over her mouth. Atoosa says Melrose is really unique looking. Just like you, Atoosa. Just like you. Melrose also talks some bull about finding herself again. Did you look in the area where all the berets and fake tears were? Because that's where I would've looked. And then they left the shoot with large lollipops, so that must be some new theme of Seventeen?

TyraMail: Melrose pretends there are other people around and call out TyraMail a couple times, just being obnoxious and emphasizing the point that she's still there and other people aren't. TyraMail says something about not every couch is a modeling couch?

The girls meet with Tyra and Dr. Michelle, a life coach. They're probably hinting at the fact that Cari was once suicidal and want to make sure no relapse of that will occur. Well, here's how you ensure that, TyTy. Give her the title like she deserves. So basically, Cari is real in the interview and Melrose says some crap about how she's trying to find herself.

Runway Show! They get to be ghostly brides in one of the more ridiculous and also more excellent final runway shows of the series. I also liked the water one from Cycle 4. Dani is rejoining this episode to lead off the runway show. The first runway show she's done since her cycle ended, I'm guessing. Awww, poor sad non-supermodels these past winners have been. They have to pimp them out there by putting them back on the show.

So in the runway show, they have three walks, each one becoming more and more theatrical. The last one, they have to tear around the corner like crazed lunatics. Speaking of which, Miss J comes tearing around the corner to get prepared himself.

Dani reassured CariDee because even Dani knows who's gonna win. Tyra comes clomping in and makes her version of a crazy face. Then she wants to talk to the little girls that will be at the beginning of the show. They're adorable and Tyra's intention is to look like she's this nice supermodel that's good with kids. And it's true, it's a cute interaction because the kids are really cute.

So they start walking. Melrose has her serious face on. CariDee starts walking and I'm saying, "Don't fall, don't fall, please don't fall." They didn't cover up her tattoo. In walk number 2, they have to stop and stare down the model on the other side of the runway as they pass. So obviously, Melrose and CariDee will have to stare down each other. Nice.

So CariDee goes out first. On her way back and as Melrose is walking the other way, they stare down each other and Melrose does this weird lean-in thing where she stretches her neck out all strangely. Then Cari and the karma fairy decide that Melrose's train is too long and Cari accidentally steps on it and rips it. This is awesome because it obviously freaks Melrose out and she still has to go around the entire way. Then Miss J leaves to get all fashioned up for his entrance.

Melrose then proceeds to piss and whine. Like she cries a river, drinks it all up, and pisses on everybody's parade. Stupid Melrose. She's so annoying, even when Cari apologizes.

Miss J starts off the crazy scene with his running around hysterically. Then he goes into classic runway walk and it's pretty awesome. Melrose walks and holds up her dress a bit. Remember this when we go to judging later. Then Cari comes out and goes totally apeshit on us like CariDee is bound to do. It's wonderful in a ridiculous way.

Then it's the final walk down. As Dani is walking, Tyra actually stands up and motions for her to put her hands on her hips. While it's nice that Tyra's still invested in these girls after they leave, it's also kinda sad. Both because Tyra wants everybody to know that she's the best supermodel ever and also because Dani doesn't know how to do it right yet.

Backstage, we have the best moment ever. Melrose is sitting down and people are fanning her all over the place. In fact, so much so that one woman is taking her dress and fanning her with that. Hahahahaha. Because that's really what Melrose wants to be seeing and smelling right about now.

Final Two Judgement.. Tyra is wearing a yellow dress with a green waist band. It's not as hideous as other outfits, but it's a little Joy from So You Think You Can Dance when she wore that Big Bird dress. Tyra says, "Who would've guessed it would be Melrose and CariDee in the final two." Ummm.. me? I've been guessing it since like week four. And so have many other people. Haha.

As a sidenote, I love Cari's outfit. I love the dress, love the hair, and especially LOVE the shoes. So the judges liked Melrose's walk. They liked her crazy scene. They didn't like Cari's walk. I agree that her face was contorted horribly and it wasn't model-y. However, then Tyra proceeds to blow smoke about how Cari was holding the dress up too much and nobody could tell what the dress looked like. Well, like I said earlier, Melrose holds the dress up too and the only reason it looked better when she did it was because the dress that she was wearing was poofier.

They go through their old shots. Cari had a fabulous first shot. You know, she was called second that first week. Too bad it wasn't first. Then we could say she was first to begin with and first to end with. Whatever. Melrose sucked when she began and still sucks now. Mr. Jay then proceeds to stroke Tyra's ego. This is why he should never be on panel. Stop it. Then the matador shot? Nigel says it's one of his favorite shots of the entire thing. Either he's stroking his own ego or he's forgotten about how they dissed her that week.

In judgement, they talk about how Cari is a loose cannon and Melrose isn't likeable. Then Mr. Jay says that everybody on the panel is unpredictable and Tyra says, "Please. I'm not unpredictable. You know I'm gonna have a hair weave, lots of makeup on, and a dress cinched at the waist." Hahaha. So true. I'm glad she at least acknowledges once in awhile how ridiculous she is.

Tyra asks the girls what the competition has meant to them as they walk back out and CariDee thanks them for believing in her and gives a true answer. She's crying a little and then Melrose says, "You're going to make me cry," and tries to force out the tears. But we see no tears.



Tyra announces that this cycle's winner is CariDee and it's wonderful. It's really just great. Except they spelled it Caridee instead of CariDee. Oh well. This is one of the best Top Model finales ever! Yay CariDee! I'm gonna be on the look out for that issue of Seventeen.



And our reigning champ is now CariDee English! Until next cycle..

America's Next Top Model Episode 12

Last week on Apparently Nigel has a Stick Up His Ass:
Melrose was annoying. The twins were useless. Caridee told the truth. Eugena was flexible. Michelle thought she was the weakest link. And Tyra said goodbye to her.

This week on The Psychomaniac Serial Killer Has a Breakdown:
So I did go to tutoring this morning and we did make gingerbread houses and it was totally worth it. And after this sentence, I will no longer have to type the word gingerbread again because my hands think I'm trying to type break instead of bread ALL the time.

I did take notes because it's impossible to remember all of the unintentional hilarity without notes. Also, if anyone reading takes notes while watching reality shows for some reason, you'll know what I mean when I say Top Model goes so much faster than other shows.

We begin this episode with Caridee and Melrose dressing Amanda. For some reason, I don't think having Melrose dress you is the best idea ever. At one point, Amanda says the line, "help a sister out." Haha. There is some talk about how Michelle sacrificed herself. Everybody knows it's true. Amanda acknowledges it. Cari starts going on about how Michelle is amazing. Ummm.. that's kinda out of left field. Were you her secret lover?

TyraMail says something about working with a partner, which means it's ethnic dance time. One of my favorite times. Why, you say? Observe:



Awww, I miss Furonda. So the instructor/judge for this dancing fiasco is a short guy, according to Cari. He is short compared to them. I didn't catch his name. Here's how it goes down.. Eugena apparently is a dancer. There's always one of those (named Naima or YaYa) in each cycle, don't you think?

The dude gives some critiques. It's apparent that Eugena is the best. Amanda looks awkward (Surprise!) and Cari and Melrose both seem to catch on. Eugena gets a thumbs up from the dude. She was on top. So in the past two months, Eugena has gone from bottom of the barrel to wanting to be on top. And from the most annoying dead personality face in the world to somebody that I'm maybe kinda starting to like.

So the surprise of the episode is that Miss J arrives for dinner. Melrose yaps and yaps and yaps and yaps. She's totally salivating heavily throughout this entire segment and it's not because the food looks yummy. Cari says that Melrose should be medicated. Or maybe she didn't say that and I wrote it down as my own thought. Either way, Cari and I both believe that Melrose should be medicated.

By the way, Cari has a lot of confessionals really early on in this episode and I started to worry a little because too much focus early on in an episode usually means bye-bye birdie. Then I realized that they really don't have anyone else to turn to for accurate, interesting, and funny commentary. Amanda would be boring, Eugena would be too bitchy and not funny enough, and Smellrose would focus on just how much she rocks.

TyraMail says something about stiff competition maybe? I don't know. We see Cari and Amanda practicing their dance that night. Hmmm I wonder if they'll mention this extra prep work. (No, of course not. They're not Melrose.) Eugena doesn't have to practice because she's naturally gifted or something. Melrose surprisingly doesn't try to one-up the girls and hire a partner and a full band to accompany her practicing. She says something about not needing to practice.

In another very ambiguously strange scene, Cari tells Eugena to feel her armpits. Apparently the two of them are friends. Maybe this is another reason why I've started to like Eugena more. It's like with Jaeda, if Brooke is friends with you, you must be cool. In this case, if Caridee is friends with you, you must be all right yourself.

Then there's this way outta left field back and forth talk about how Cari and Melrose don't like each other. Cari calls Melrose a WWE wrestler. Fake or something. Didn't Melrose pick Caridee to share her challenge win last week? Uh. Is this playing up to a Caridee/Melrose final two? A la Adrianne Curry/Shannon Stewart, Eva Pigford/YaYa DaCosta, Nicole Linkletter (who I always want to call Katie)/Nic Pace. Final two pairs who didn't really get along? Not that anybody gets along with Smellrose.

Quick Top Model fact: Did you know that of the six previous seasons, only one winner has been the first to be given a photo at judging in the final three? Meaning every other winner was in the bottom two during the final three judgement. I think this is very interesting. Meaning either the fashion show runway is crucial in deciding the winner, or it's never who the judges are most confident in.. it's usually the bigger risk that they go with. The only winner to receive her picture first in final three judging was Naima. In every other case.. Shannon, Mercedes, YaYa, Nic, Joanie.. the runner-up was chosen first. I think it's an interesitng statisitc. And Joanie was never in the bottom two. Ever.

Bringing it back to the episode at hand.. their test this week is a dance performance that will be photographed. They get into full flamenco garb. Caridee's dress is class black and white and maybe the least absurd. Eugena, as the last ethnic girl left, is put in the purple dress to represent Queen Latifah's whole purple-look-good-on-ethnic-girls spiel. Remember that? Oh, right. Stay focused, stay on topic.

The dude from before makes some comments on each of the girls as they dance. It, unfortunately, is not a whole production. We only see bits of dancing. Cari shows chemistry with her partner. Eugena is elegant. Amanda is working harder than yesterday and looks sweet. Smelly messes up. The best part is Melrose forgetting some steps. According to her, when she messes up, everything has to stop around her and she has to start over. Not in this, pisspot.

Eugena wins and picks Amanda. We all expected her to pick Caridee after the whole armpit thing and pillow fights and sleepovers, but Cari quickly confessionals that she's glad Amanda got picked because Amanda hasn't won anything. True, but she's shared in a couple challenge wins. Melrose's Seventeen spread win and Michelle's white girl alliance win come to mind. Anyway, Amanda is chosen.

Then, in one of the best examples of why Melrose is both bipolar and schizophrenic and an all-around whack job, she breaks downs and freaks out. Apparently when she doesn't do well, the world is coming to an end and we all have to take time to watch her steal the moment. Instead of congratulating Eugena, Smelly goes on about how disappointed she is in herself. And get this.. dancing is her soul. She doesn't think it should be choreographed or tested or whatever. It should just be free and natural or something like that. You lost, Melrose. Can it.

When the girls get home, there are presents waiting. Unfortunately, it is not loved ones in boxes (best reward ever), but there are three boxes there. Eugena gets two and Amanda gets one. They are high end clothing. They both get jackets and Eugena gets an additional item like pants or a shirt. I don't remember. Either way, Melrose is jealous because winning all the other prizes wasn't enough. Bitch wants it all.

There is more Cari/Melrose drama. Foreshadowing..

TyraMail mentions everything possible that could be related to water. Drown.. sink.. float. All that. So the photo shoot is with Tyra as a special guest. Surprise, surprise. She wants to participate for once. The girls have to get in pairs and pose together in the water. Cari and Amanda are together and Eugena and Melrose are together. They have to be ethereal nymphs. Sweet.

The water is cold.

Smelly and Eugena go first and Tyra says that Melrose is good again. Eugena is surprisingly flat and has a dead personality of a cat. A dead cat. I've stopped taking their word for how shoots went, though, unless it's obvious and they're shooting Jaeda or something. Awww, Jaeda. I started to like you, but we all know your pictures sucked.

Amanda says "no bueno" regarding the cold water. The water is cold. Apparently. Cari and Amanda aren't the greatest. Caridee looks like she's dying at one point. Finally, she wants a moment and they pull her out of the water convulsing. She needs medical attention because the water is so cold that she's on the verge of actually freezing. Sweet. The glamorous part of modeling.

Amanda gets to do the last 50 frames by herself and they'll Photoshop a better picture into one with Caridee if needed.

The Tyra pic before judgement is of her in a bathtub. I prefer the bull picture, but hey.

Melrose and Eugena are up first. Smelly has a fish mouth. Of course, nobody cares because Melrose's insanity is just what being a top model is about. Whatever.

Amanda and Cari are next and Amanda's leg looks broken in the picture of her dancing. There's mention of Caridee freezing to death. Apparently it's doubly her fault for having a body that responds poorly to freezing cold water and also for not telling them earlier about it. Whatever, Tyra.

Then Tyra goes on to piss me off more by declaring that the spotlight is hers. She wants to dance with Miss J, who is demonstrating how to dance-pose. Miss J totally does not want to dance with Tyra and says just as much. Tyra forces the dance and looky there.. her shoe falls off during the dance. I bet myself 100 bucks that she'd point it out to the girls as an example of how awesome she is. Of course. Shut up, Tyra. Miss J doesn't even like you. She's like, "See? My shoe fell off. And I kept on working it." Can it. Maybe your shoe fell off because your flippers have gotten heavier after all of those baked bean burritos. Maybe the force of your body surprised that poor shoe and it made a run for it.

During the discussion amongst the judges, they finally point out Melrose's stupid berets. Someone, maybe Twiggy, says, "What's up with that hat." Haha. And Nigel calls Caridee high maintenance. Which, where did that come from? You're high maintenance, Nigel. You're stuffy, have no sense of humor or humility, and you're completely miserable to watch on this show. Go away.

So, Tyra calls Melrose first. Then Eugena. Cari and Amanda are bottom two. I guess Caridee did do 50 less frames. Maybe that was it. Tyra calls Caridee and tells her that maybe her body isn't built for this job. What the hell? And then she says Caridee also has to let people know if her body isn't doing well. So she should get her body to be stronger in these extreme circumstances, yet when she was trying to block out the pain and make her body withstand the cold, this was also a problem. Pick one, Tyra. Either she needs to push through the pain or she needs to know her limits. Not both. Stupid.

Anyway, Amanda is out and she's pretty heartbroken in her goodbye. She says Top Model is breaking up with her. And she doesn't want to wake up tomorrow and have it be just a normal day. She wants to live in the fantasy land that is reality television forever and ever. Bye, Amanda. I so called this.

Next week on The Episode Where CariDee Becomes America's Next Top Model:
Eugena gets cut first when they realize that she's still here and wasn't cut in the third episode. Then Cari and Melrose have a walkoff and the judges decide that Melrose is psycho and Caridee is awesome. Caridee wins.

America's Next Top Model Episode 11

Last week on Bye Bye Little Boy:
Caridee won the acting challenge. The girls went to Barcelona. A male Spanish model did not like black women and told Jaeda as much. Caridee bombed the commercial, as did Jaeda. The two were in the bottom and Jaeda was sent home because Caridee is the future winner. Duh!

This week on Someone Really Has A Stick Up His Ass:
I missed the first five minutes of the show because I am currently at home-home, not school-home, and I have to make an effort to see friends who I haven't seen in months. This means I had to speed off at 7:55 to a friend's house to watch ANTM. Sad, but true. I even brought my notepad to take notes.

I have to say, I actually missed Jaeda this episode. She was funny. She brought something, I don't know what, to the show. Now it's gone and I definitely noticed. I had to mention it because it's so shocking. I miss.. Jaeda!? It happens.

When I arrived, the girls were in some strange room with some strange woman.. oh, that was Tyra. They were having a confessional-style Tyra chat. Tyra said a bunch of crap that I didn't catch because my friend was talking to me. They talk about how important it is to be headstrong or something.

TyraMail says something about who will go and who will stay. It basically tells us that it's go-see time! Yay! They have to get back by 6:00 pm or else they're disqualified. This should show us who has seen previous seasons, right? You HAVE to, HAVE to be on time.

Eugena and Caridee stick together. You know, ever since they arrived in Spain, I've begun to dislike Eugena less and less. This is probably because she'll be the third place finisher and it's a hint that she'll be around for awhile.

The twins surprisingly stick together as well. Shocker.

Melrose is by herself because she's the little engine that could. Or something.

There are various shots of some of the girls at go-sees doing their walks and etc. Caridee is berated for wearing a necklace. She should be a blank palate or something. Sweet.

The twins are lost. Completely lost. I don't know who the preview teaser was referring to throwing a tantrum, but I imagine it's the twins. At some point, Melrose has been to 3 places, Eugena and Caridee have been to 2 and the twins haven't been anywhere. Sad but true. Mostly sad because guess who will win a challenge again? How was I not surprised?

It took the twins an hour to find their first place and they take time outside fixing themselves up. Michelle goes first and she totally has a dead arm. Like the entire arm is hunched up and just so dead. Amanda is next and is said to have been better than her sister.

We see the girls as time is winding down and Cari, Eugena, and Melrose show up just in time. No surprise there. The twins are disqualified for being late and have to leave. The results are revealed and the only criticism I really caught was that Eugena has no personality. Haha. I'm shocked.

So Smelly wins again, for the 85th time. She picks Caridee because, well, there's really no other choices. Melrose doesn't like anybody left and nobody left likes Melrose. They get a gourmet dinner at their place. Eugena does her whole "I'm not upset I didn't win because that reward sucked" spiel. She's done this before and it's kinda funny. She's like being nosy trying to see what they're eating and then saying how disgusting the fish smells. Can it, woman.

TyraMail tells them something about bulls. I didn't catch it.

They arrive at a bull pen/rink/thing. Mr. Jay comes out looking ridiculous again. What are your pants, Mr. Jay? The bull comes out and then the other bull comes out. Nigel is their photographer this week.

Controversy of the week: Nigel is holding the stick that the girls will be modeling with. Caridee makes a comment about how Nigel pulled that stick out of his ass. I thought it was a funny comment. I can see how rude it was. It was rude. However, I think it was blown so out of proportion. Like whatever, really. I understand.. respect your superiors, blah blah. Nigel really does have a stick up his ass, though. Whatever.

Mr. Jay actually lectures them about being kind and stuff. Caridee immediately realized she screwed up and proceeds to semi-melt-down and looks distraught for the rest of the episode.

We see Eugena, who does some interesting poses. Amanda is awkward. At one point, the bull charges, and that messes with Amanda's game for the rest of the shoot. The twins have a tiff because Amanda doesn't want to talk about how she sucked and doesn't really want to give Michelle pointers either. Michelle does better than Amanda. Melrose isn't the star this time and it's great. She looks crazy. I've said it before.. girl looks psycho in some of her shots. Could those eyes please bug out more? Then Cari is totally a pin-up girl.

At judging, the picture shown of Tyra at the beginning is her dressed up as a bull. It's great. Then there's Miss Jay who looks like a bull today. He has sculpted his hair all bull-ish. And I didn't notice this until later, but what is Twiggy wearing on her head?! Hahaha. Oh, Twiggy.

The judging test is for every girl to say who has the most potential and who has the least. This is actually a test to see who watched the previous seasons. Recall season 4 when nobody said themselves for who had the most potential. The Miss Fabulous Brittany Brower joked about picking herself, but then chose someone else. Not this season, though. Good models study their Top Model history.

Melrose says of course she has the most potential. Her reason I don't remember, but it probably had to do with how she's fabulous. She says Eugena has the least potential.

Eugena says that she has the most potential because Top Model is a journey. She says Amanda has the least because.. well, because it's true.

Cari says of course she'll choose herself and that she agrees that Amanda has the least potential. I was so worried this entire time. Everything Caridee did I gritted my teeth to. I was really scared she was going.

Amanda then says she won't choose herself for most potential because she's not like that or something. Basically, didn't watch season 4. She says Caridee has the least potential because she's seen it before, it's been done. Hmmm. Wrong.

Michelle says Cari has the most potential because Cari's hott. She then proceeds to shove her foot in her mouth by saying she doesn't know who has the least potential because sometimes she thinks that's her. She sees girls here who really want it and she just doesn't have that same drive. She mentions that Brooke really wanted it and it sucked to see her so upset when she had to leave. It's true. Thanks for mentioning Brooke. I love Brooke. She was my faux-favorite until she left. She was the one I liked the most but knew would most likely not win. She was my Lluvy, my Furonda, my Norelle, my Jenascia. Caridee was my hardcore favorite after Brookie left. If you haven't yet, please check out http://antpodcast.blogspot.com for their awesome Brooke interview.

The judges like Smelly's photo, but they really like Eugena's. Tyra obsesses about Eugena's pose because Tyra could never do it. Not now with all those baked bean burritos, but not even back when she was superfly. Miss Jay just obsesses about how Eugena looks like him, or at least the picture from season 5 when he was chasing the girls in the treadmill photoshoot. They say Amanda's second guessing herself and the photo isn't great. Her face is shadowed in it. I don't like it either.

Then Caridee comes up with a letter written on a piece of lined paper. She reads off her thoughts about basically how sorry she is about what she said to Nigel. I really wish she would've just said what she felt instead of reading something she wrote beforehand. Either way, she's trying to right the wrong from earlier. Tyra says she heard about what happened and either the other judges didn't or they don't care. They don't really dwell on it too much. Personally, I think Miss Jay and Twiggy were sitting there thinking, "he totally has a stick up his ass." Haha. I hope.

In panel discussion, Tyra mentions that Michelle may have sacrificed herself for her sister because she knows Amanda wants it more even though Michelle is more naturally talented. This is the first intriguing thing Tyra's brought up in a long time, so I paid attention when I heard it. It's entirely possible and a very twin-like thing to do. Michelle totally threw herself under a bus during the judging test.

My friend and I had a bet.. not a real one, unfortunately.. on who would be called first. I said definitely Eugena because Tyra obsessed over how flexible she was. My friend said Melrose because they love her. I was right. Then they called Smelly. All the while, Caridee is fidgeting, looking restless and totally distraught. I am pretty much in the same state. Then, as a total shock of the century, they call Caridee third. Amazing. I was so relieved and so happy. First because Cari is safe and second because I've been waiting all season for the twins to be in the bottom 2 together.

My friend and I were chanting for the twins to be eliminated together and I really thought it might happen. However, Michelle is sent home because Tyra says passion is more important than good pictures. Is this why the winners never become actual models? Hmmm.

Michelle hopes this will fuel Amanda to really reach her potential. I think Amanda will shrink inwardly even more without her sister and will follow her exit next week.

Next week on Breakdown! Breakdown! Breakdown! :
There's dancing involved in the challenge. Smellrose breaks down when she's criticized and is not the best of the day. This is great. Then Caridee freezes in the pool during their photoshoot. Minor details. Maybe they're pulling another Danielle "look how brave I am, coming back from being sick and stuff." When did she go from being Danielle to being Dani? I missed that memo. Anyway, I say Amanda's going home. Caridee and Melrose are pretty much ensured spots in the finals and Eugena has to be there by default.

Until next time..

America's Next Top Model Episode 10

Image of the week:


Last week on Anchal is a Trainwreck:
As a sidenote, everytime I try to type "Anchal," I end up first typing "Anchael" and then having to go back and fix it. It's like I always type "Padmas." Like my hands think I'm trying to type Michael and Christmas. Anway, so Anchal was a trainwreck. Melrose found a way to win the challenge without actually winning it. Caridee was great at hiding dizzily. Anchal ran out of the room. Tyra hates Eugena. So do I. Anchal got sent home.

This week on Models Make Great Actresses:
It appears this entry will be filled with sidenotes. We might as well begin with one. I have been watching Veronica Mars. I started watching the first season no more than a week and a half ago. I am currently on episode 16 of the second season. And nothing made me happier than when Naima and Kim appeared for their guest roles. I can't wait for Furonda to show up. Awww I miss Furonda.

So today as I was driving to the dentist, I was listening to my favorite local radio station for the first time in two months, the last time being before I went back to school (in California). So apparently Tyra was just on the early morning show and the clip that they keep playing of her is when they asked her what's her favorite question she's asked on her talk show. She totally says, "When you fart in a room, do you own up to it or pretend it wasn't you?" and they ask her what she would do and she's all, "If I was with my friends, I would tell them to get out that room cuz I just farted.. it's gonna stink! But if I was on a plane, like sleeping, I would pretend to wake up and look behind me like 'what's that smell!?'" Oh, Tyra. Maybe you should stop eating so many baked bean burritos, huh.

With that aside, let's talk about the show. I only watched it once because I was busy and mostly because sometimes some episodes upset me and I can't bare to watch them more than once. I've only seen the one where Brooke leaves once. That could also be because Fabio was on it. Eww, Fabio.

Speaking of Brooke, I recently bought the issue of Seventeen magazine that she, Smellrose, and the twins are in. Because I only buy magazines that have people from TV shows in them. Seriously. I'm waiting for the Elle with Jeffrey and Marilinda to come out so I can go buy it. Marilinda is best model on that show ever. I'm friends with her on myspace. Anyway.. so there's a little section in Seventeen on ANTM. It has the photos that we saw them take on the show. There's a page of inspiration quotes or some crap like that from the judges and other people. Then there's a large photo of the four of them showing us how to pose. There may be some advice on another page about how to pose well.

So Brooke looks adorable and fits right in with Seventeen. Her outfit's the best and she has on these amazing shoes. The twins look.. like each others, which means they look awkward. They have on weird outfits and Amanda's is less strange, I think. Then there's Melrose. She looks old and so out of place. Like who asked Brooke's older sister to come take pictures and pretend that she's not 33. I want to say Melrose is wearing a beret, but that might just be the permanent image of her in my head talking. In the large photo where they're supposed to be teaching us how to pose, they're supposed to be looking straight into the camera, appear inviting or warm or something.. basically, they're supposed to pose and look like they're models. Brooke looks like a model for Seventeen. The twins look a little awkward and a little too over-model-y for Seventeen. Melrose? She looks like she's going to kill someone. She has this dead stare like her eyes are trying to pierce through your soul. It's kinda amazing, especially because they were specifically showing us how to "model pose."

Back to the show. So the first big event I remember is a TyraMail that tells them basically that they're going to have acting lessons. They show up and it's the acting teacher they have every season, Tyra's friend.. I want to say her name is Tara? I don't know.. is she famous? Maybe I should know her. Anyway, she basically gets them to cry and say what they're feeling. Jaeda cries about her hair. I was shocked. Michelle says she doesn't know who she is or what she wants. Caridee breaks down and tells us that she was once suicidal. I was actually shocked to hear that. Then she's really upset and goes backstage to deal with the bomb she just unintentionally dropped about herself. What does Melrose do? She overdramatizes the pain that she feels when people tell her she's not good enough. Instead of talking about insecurities, she acts like a maniac, saying she always tries harder, does better, and she's tired of being criticized or something. Ummm..

The acting challenge is to act out a silent film. They have to do strange things like eat a lemon, which Jaeda apparently not only bites into, chews, but also swallows.. peel and all. They have to drink prune juice, which causes Michelle to get it all over her face and puke up back into the cup. Disgusting. The winner will be revealed soon, is all they get. The winner will have a small role on CW's One Tree Hill. Why not Veronica Mars?! Why?! I would have loved to see our winner on my new obsession of a show.

They get back to the loft. They find out by watching a tape that the winner is Caridee. The silent movie they have made is ridiculous. It's old-looking, completely absurd, and eventually Tyra appears. Surprise, surprise. The movie turns all Spanish on them and then Tyra does her whole I'm on TV one second, then I'm in the room the next! They're going to Barcelona!

Yay. They have the little gig where they have cutouts of the girls' faces and they bob around on this plane that takes them from the US to Spain. I love that. When they arrive, they get on a bus and drive around picking up random possibly racist Spanish male models. Something else might have happened, but they end up at dinner with the boys eventually and are told of their next challenge. They have to team up with a male model and do a commercial. Everybody is practicing except for Jaeda because her male model basically says he doesn't want to kiss her, which they eventually figure out is because he doesn't like black girls. Everybody is shocked and Jaeda is rightfully offended and a little confused as to how to respond.

I'll have to add, I have grown to like Jaeda over the past few weeks. She still has her issues of never getting over her hair issue, but I've started to find her funny and kinda likeable. Maybe because Brooke said in the CW interview that she and Jaeda were good friends. Anyway, I felt really bad for her, because honestly, this is not an issue that should be present in today's society. It just shouldn't.

The next morning, Tyra greets them and asks if they've all gotten to know their male models and stuff and we get the priceless picture above. Jaeda manages to pull off the most adorable little kid sad face ever. That totally won me over. Tyra's like, "You don't like your model, Jaeda?" and Eugena laughs and says, "He said he doesn't like black girls." And Tyra's all, nuh-uh, no he didn't! She says Jaeda will have to deal with it.

So they start shooting their commercials. The twins are their typical selves.. awkward and slightly boring. Eugena isn't great but does seem like she gives a shit, unlike every other episode before. Melrose is all over bubbly and obnoxious, which translates into a good commercial. Jaeda stumbles and gets frustrated and kinda gives up. Caridee looks totally high on something during hers. She pretty much looks like she does in the silent film from earlier, except it's totally inappropriate here. Her eyes are like at the top of her head, crossed, and her mouth is slightly open all the time like she's confused. It was pretty awful. Pretty hard to watch.

So judging. Was there a judging task? I don't remember. They basically skim over most of the girls. They tell Melrose how great she is and everything and she basically wets herself with excitement. They say Eugena's improved. They're disappointed with Jaeda and when they reiterate what her male model said, Miss Jay's response is total shock and disgust. They tell Caridee she bombed and she can't just rest on her challenge win. In the end, they call Melrose, Eugena, Amanda, Michelle.. Caridee and Jaeda are the bottom two. There goes my theory of Caridee and Jaeda in the final three. Jaeda goes home. I'm changing my pick to Eugena. Caridee, Melrose, Eugena final three. The only problem is that means the twins go one after the other. Maybe they're eliminated together. Ooh.

Next week on I Will Cut You, Tyra, If You Send Caridee Home:
Girls go on go-sees. The twins work together. The girls have funky hair in the photoshoot again. Caridee says something to Nigel that Tyra says was "rude." This preview is leaning towards a Caridee downfall. If this was an Amazing Race preview, I would say Caridee is obviously safe next week. Unfortunately, I don't think Tyra is smart enough to think up a misleading preview. After they cut Brooke, I wanted to jump through the TV screen and slap Tyra. If they cut Caridee.. then this whole show is one big charade. One big charade that I will continue to watch, but still..

Pattern?

Some people have claimed you can predict the winner from the picture at the end of each episode. Here are the seven cycles. Let's see if my predictions hold true for cycle 7.


Winner: Adrianne Curry; Runner-up: Shannon Stewart; Third place: Elyse Sewell.



Winner: Yoanna House; Runner-up: Mercedes Scelba-Shorte; Third place: Shandi Sullivan.



Winner: Eva Pigford; Runner-up: YaYa Da Costa; Third place: Amanda Swafford.



Winner: Naima Mora; Runner-up: Kahlen Rondot; Third place: Keenyah Hill.



Winner: Nicole Linkletter; Runner-up: Nik Pace; Third place: Bre Scullark.



Winner: Danielle Evans; Runner-up: Joanie Dodds; Third place: Jade Cole.



Winner: Caridee English; Runner-up: Melrose Bickerstaff; Third place: Jaeda Young.

Some people say there's no such thing as a pattern, but you have to keep in mind that when everything's ready and done being edited, the production knows who the final three are. They are not going to put the winner in the corner. They're going to give her the best placement for the shot of her they're using. Based on placement, I think Caridee will take the cake, Melrose will be second, and Jaeda will be third. Jaeda is CLASSIC third place. The unexpected-come-from-behind, been-in-the-bottom-two-too-many-times girl. It could also be Eugena, but let's hope not.

America's Next Top Model Episode 9

Clip of the Week:


Previously on America's Next Top Model:
- Dita von Teese does not have a sexy voice.
- Anchal is apparently model-heavy.
- Fabio made an appearance, groped some girls, made some sketchy comments, etc.
- Brookie went home :'(

This week:
- I took notes, so I will probably use bullet points.
- Everybody was surprised at Brooke's departure, even Melrose. When Melrose shows even a tinge of sadness, it's monumental. Brookie was awesome.
- CariDee has her guitar and we're blessed with another Phoebe moment as she proceeds to play song dedicated to Brooke. Melrose sings along. And so does the guy in the computer cluster. Shut. Up. Seriously.
- Melrose apparently wants it bad. Really?

TyraMail: I don't like how the new TyraMail is actually labeled "TyraMail" and comes all magazine style. I'm big into keeping show traditions. Anyway, something about bomping a girl out of the competition or something. In my head, it refers to Melrose.

- They go to a beach. Gabrielle Reese is there. She is an athletic model and volleyball player.
- Jaeda announces that she plays volleyball at school. Good for you, Jaeda.
- Gabrielle teaches them to dive for a ball but still look hott.
- Anchal thinks she (Anchal) looks gross in a bikini. No, Anchal, you look normal. Bones McBoneman looks gross (insert either of the twins.. they wouldn't fill a swimsuit if they were wearing it together).
- CariDee is awesome. Either she says she's goofy and awkward, or she behaves in the manner.
- Eugena says she was on the volleyball team in high school but never played. Which means she was a benchwarmer. Hahaha. I was a benchwarmer my senior year of high school for the tennis team. I took it as a blessing rather than get upset like some other people. I don't know how Eugena felt, but the idea of being a benchwarmer will always be hilarious to me.
- Jaeda is "a pro." She looks good in this exercise. Good for you, Jaeda.. something you can do right. Finally.
- Amanda looked stupid. Anchal looks fine, but doesn't really go for it. She half-asses the dive and therefore looks stupid.
- Melrose is apparently in the confessional 24/7. Confessional number 279 appears where she comments on something unimportant.
- Anchal is self-conscious.. etc. etc. etc. Eugena at one point calls her a blob.
- Hmmm.. I wonder who's going home.

TyraMail: Are you gonna snap when the pressure is on?

- They go to a racetrack.
- James St. James and Stanton Barrett are the challenge hosts.
- Eugena calls James St. James a gothic drag queen. This is in confessional, so she may have been looking in a mirror again. Or at Jaeda. She just doesn't know the definition for goth. It doesn't mean being Bobby Brown or wanting to suck people's blood.
- This challenge involves pretending that Stanton Barrett is their boyfriend and attacking him because he doesn't think they should have their careers as models.
- They have to shoot themselves using a remote.
- Eugena wears awful shoes.
- The shots look ridiculous.
- Melrose looks like an antelope in her shots.
- Jaeda isn't too bad actually.
- CariDee goes ballistic like she is when she's in competition mode. She tells Stanton they'll have make up sex later.
- Anchal is going to the prom. They had to dress themselves and Anchal dressed herself thinking she had no boobs and this wasn't an action shot. Stupid decision. Her shots are horrible. She once again half-asses it.
- Hmmm.. I wonder who's going home.
- Michelle's face looks ridiculous, but apparently it looks angry, too, like it's supposed to. She breaks the car with her heel because she stands on it in order to jump and attack Stanton. Which.. versatility in shoots is key.
- CariDee is waving a red flag around. Funny. (Side note: it's really hard to remember to capitalize the 'D')
- Michelle wins. She picks CariDee, Amanda, and Melrose. Everybody's confused about the choice of Smellrose.
- They get a $10,000 shopping spree.

Shopping Spree:
- They meet up with Stanton and Kate Nobelius at the Couch Nobelius fashion showroom.
- They get 30 seconds to run around, put on clothes, and run back. The person with the most clothes on wins everybody's clothes. Which sucks. Michelle won the challenge. Let her have the prize.
- Jaeda is like, I don't wanna stand here and watch. This sucks. I want to go back to the loft. Piss. Moan. Blah.
- CariDee gets 7 items. Michelle gets 11. Amanda gets 10. Smellrose gets 13.
- Not fair. Smellrose should share with Michelle.

Back at the place:
- Anchal "has no friends."
- Smelly and Anchal yell about nothing for a few seconds.

TyraMail: Tomorrow you will defy the biggest model stereotype. Don't be an airhead. CariDee reads this. Haha. Then she's all like, "I don't get it." I don't know if she was being funny, but it certainly came out funny.

- They show up for their first Covergirl assignment of the season.
- The action photographer is Patrik Giardino.
- The girls have to be sexy space sirens.
- Eugena doesn't want to.. something. I tend to tune out what she says. Just like I'm trying to tune out Cluster Guy. I don't care. Stop speaking so loudly.
- They are at an indoor skydiving training facility.
- Their outfits are ridiculously spacey.

What Mr. Jay says, what I say, and bonus bit of what Sutan says:
- Michelle has no grace. Her hands are like catchers mitts. You are not Janice, Jay, that is a Janice term.
- Jaeda is pretty good. Graceful.
- Amanda is flailing around. She is a pile of bones. No surprise what would happen to her in a tornado.
- Sutan tells Anchal to suck it in over and over. Apparently Anchal has a weight problem.
- Jaeda laughs like a man about something.
- Anchal is not graceful. Jay is not surprised.
- Eugena is annoying. That's probably my opinion.
- Smellrose is pretty flat. Afterwards, she's not happy.
- CariDee is all over the place. Jay says she wasn't listening to instructions and wasn't being safe.

TyraMail: Judging tomorrow, where one of the girls will be kicked to the curb.

A few random clips:
- Melrose is pulling a Lisa Season Five and is roleplaying, wearing a mustache, an ugly beret, being French. Odd.
- Eugena says something about sucking and if she sucks, she should go home. Send her home!
- Cluster Guy left. Thank you.

Judging:
- Tyra's hair! Ahhh! Why?
- Gabrielle Reese is the guest judge.

Test: Act out a verb and an adverb.
- Eugena gets "shake flirtatiously." Eh. I don't like Eugena.
- Amanda is "ski sadly." She doesn't look sad.
- Jaeda gets "skip sensually." It's not sensual unless you consider the part where her bra falls off and she has to pull it back up.
- Michelle is "swim frightfully." It's lame. She lies on the ground and makes swimming motions.
- Anchal is "dance aggressively." She sucks and does the whole doubting herself spiel.
- Melrose has "box joyfully." She makes a box around her face with her hands. Stupid. But funny.
- CariDee is "hide dizzily." HILARIOUS. Observe the video above. She continues in character up until she leaves.

Back to judging:
- Eugena reminds Tyra of Naomi Campbell. Which.. Tyra hated Naomi. Everything Tyra says to Eugena is pretty much about how she doesn't like her. Haha. She looks like an astronaut, not a model in her photo. She has no face in it. Surprise.
- Amanda has a good face in the photo.
- Jaeda. Gabrielle calls her big. Editors put this clip in the wrong place I think. Tyra calls Jaeda Michael Jackson. Hahahahaha. Michael Jackson is not surprisingly another man Jaeda looks like. Her chin is HUGE in the photo. It is the size of Brooke's home state.
- Anchal didn't try. She had the weirdest exit (where she ran out of the room) other than Jade's exit last season. She has a good face angle but is apparently also Michael Jackson.
- Melrose was stupid by funny. Hey, that's what I said. Her picture is good. Big compliments.
- Cari is amazing. She gets applause. They say the picture is brilliant. I actually think the body is weird, but who do I care, I love CariDee.
- Michelle chickened out. Tyra disses her and talks about how she throws it away and is wasted space or something. She's also Michael Jackson. So everybody Tyra doesn't like is Michael Jackson.

Deliberation: Cari is crazy, Eugena is an insect.

Tyra calls:
- CariDee
- Smelly
- Jaeda (::gasp::)
- Amanda
- Eugena
Bottom two: Michelle and Anchal.

Anchal goes home. She's graceful in her exit. Graceful yet still insecure. Man, I did not see that coming. Five thousand mentions of Anchal and her insecurities. Who would've known.

Next week on ANTM: I didn't see the preview for next week. Let's see.. Jaeda has short hair. Jaeda wants to be a man. Eugena whines. Smellrose wins the challenge. Cari does funny things. I bet they go to an exotic place. I really want them to go to Greenland or something. There's some exotic photo shoot and/or a commercial or acting. One of the twins goes home.

Until next time..