Monday, November 13, 2006

America's Next Top Model Episode 9

Clip of the Week:

Previously on America's Next Top Model
- Dita von Teese does not have a sexy voice.
- Anchal is apparently model-heavy.
- Fabio made an appearance, groped some girls, made some sketchy comments, etc.
- Brookie went home :'(

This week:
- I took notes, so I will probably use bullet points.
- Everybody was surprised at Brooke's departure, even Melrose. When Melrose shows even a tinge of sadness, it's monumental. Brookie was awesome.
- CariDee has her guitar and we're blessed with another Phoebe moment as she proceeds to play song dedicated to Brooke. Melrose sings along. And so does the guy in the computer cluster. Shut. Up. Seriously.
- Melrose apparently wants it bad. Really?

TyraMail: I don't like how the new TyraMail is actually labeled "TyraMail" and comes all magazine style. I'm big into keeping show traditions. Anyway, something about bomping a girl out of the competition or something. In my head, it refers to Melrose.

- They go to a beach. Gabrielle Reese is there. She is an athletic model and volleyball player.
- Jaeda announces that she plays volleyball at school. Good for you, Jaeda.
- Gabrielle teaches them to dive for a ball but still look hott.
- Anchal thinks she (Anchal) looks gross in a bikini. No, Anchal, you look normal. Bones McBoneman looks gross (insert either of the twins.. they wouldn't fill a swimsuit if they were wearing it together).
- CariDee is awesome. Either she says she's goofy and awkward, or she behaves in the manner.
- Eugena says she was on the volleyball team in high school but never played. Which means she was a benchwarmer. Hahaha. I was a benchwarmer my senior year of high school for the tennis team. I took it as a blessing rather than get upset like some other people. I don't know how Eugena felt, but the idea of being a benchwarmer will always be hilarious to me.
- Jaeda is "a pro." She looks good in this exercise. Good for you, Jaeda.. something you can do right. Finally.
- Amanda looked stupid. Anchal looks fine, but doesn't really go for it. She half-asses the dive and therefore looks stupid.
- Melrose is apparently in the confessional 24/7. Confessional number 279 appears where she comments on something unimportant.
- Anchal is self-conscious.. etc. etc. etc. Eugena at one point calls her a blob.
- Hmmm.. I wonder who's going home.

TyraMail: Are you gonna snap when the pressure is on?

- They go to a racetrack.
- James St. James and Stanton Barrett are the challenge hosts.
- Eugena calls James St. James a gothic drag queen. This is in confessional, so she may have been looking in a mirror again. Or at Jaeda. She just doesn't know the definition for goth. It doesn't mean being Bobby Brown or wanting to suck people's blood.
- This challenge involves pretending that Stanton Barrett is their boyfriend and attacking him because he doesn't think they should have their careers as models.
- They have to shoot themselves using a remote.
- Eugena wears awful shoes.
- The shots look ridiculous.
- Melrose looks like an antelope in her shots.
- Jaeda isn't too bad actually.
- CariDee goes ballistic like she is when she's in competition mode. She tells Stanton they'll have make up sex later.
- Anchal is going to the prom. They had to dress themselves and Anchal dressed herself thinking she had no boobs and this wasn't an action shot. Stupid decision. Her shots are horrible. She once again half-asses it.
- Hmmm.. I wonder who's going home.
- Michelle's face looks ridiculous, but apparently it looks angry, too, like it's supposed to. She breaks the car with her heel because she stands on it in order to jump and attack Stanton. Which.. versatility in shoots is key.
- CariDee is waving a red flag around. Funny. (Side note: it's really hard to remember to capitalize the 'D')
- Michelle wins. She picks CariDee, Amanda, and Melrose. Everybody's confused about the choice of Smellrose.
- They get a $10,000 shopping spree.

Shopping Spree:
- They meet up with Stanton and Kate Nobelius at the Couch Nobelius fashion showroom.
- They get 30 seconds to run around, put on clothes, and run back. The person with the most clothes on wins everybody's clothes. Which sucks. Michelle won the challenge. Let her have the prize.
- Jaeda is like, I don't wanna stand here and watch. This sucks. I want to go back to the loft. Piss. Moan. Blah.
- CariDee gets 7 items. Michelle gets 11. Amanda gets 10. Smellrose gets 13.
- Not fair. Smellrose should share with Michelle.

Back at the place:
- Anchal "has no friends."
- Smelly and Anchal yell about nothing for a few seconds.

TyraMail: Tomorrow you will defy the biggest model stereotype. Don't be an airhead. CariDee reads this. Haha. Then she's all like, "I don't get it." I don't know if she was being funny, but it certainly came out funny.

- They show up for their first Covergirl assignment of the season.
- The action photographer is Patrik Giardino.
- The girls have to be sexy space sirens.
- Eugena doesn't want to.. something. I tend to tune out what she says. Just like I'm trying to tune out Cluster Guy. I don't care. Stop speaking so loudly.
- They are at an indoor skydiving training facility.
- Their outfits are ridiculously spacey.

What Mr. Jay says, what I say, and bonus bit of what Sutan says:
- Michelle has no grace. Her hands are like catchers mitts. You are not Janice, Jay, that is a Janice term.
- Jaeda is pretty good. Graceful.
- Amanda is flailing around. She is a pile of bones. No surprise what would happen to her in a tornado.
- Sutan tells Anchal to suck it in over and over. Apparently Anchal has a weight problem.
- Jaeda laughs like a man about something.
- Anchal is not graceful. Jay is not surprised.
- Eugena is annoying. That's probably my opinion.
- Smellrose is pretty flat. Afterwards, she's not happy.
- CariDee is all over the place. Jay says she wasn't listening to instructions and wasn't being safe.

TyraMail: Judging tomorrow, where one of the girls will be kicked to the curb.

A few random clips:
- Melrose is pulling a Lisa Season Five and is roleplaying, wearing a mustache, an ugly beret, being French. Odd.
- Eugena says something about sucking and if she sucks, she should go home. Send her home!
- Cluster Guy left. Thank you.

- Tyra's hair! Ahhh! Why?
- Gabrielle Reese is the guest judge.

Test: Act out a verb and an adverb.
- Eugena gets "shake flirtatiously." Eh. I don't like Eugena.
- Amanda is "ski sadly." She doesn't look sad.
- Jaeda gets "skip sensually." It's not sensual unless you consider the part where her bra falls off and she has to pull it back up.
- Michelle is "swim frightfully." It's lame. She lies on the ground and makes swimming motions.
- Anchal is "dance aggressively." She sucks and does the whole doubting herself spiel.
- Melrose has "box joyfully." She makes a box around her face with her hands. Stupid. But funny.
- CariDee is "hide dizzily." HILARIOUS. Observe the video above. She continues in character up until she leaves.

Back to judging:
- Eugena reminds Tyra of Naomi Campbell. Which.. Tyra hated Naomi. Everything Tyra says to Eugena is pretty much about how she doesn't like her. Haha. She looks like an astronaut, not a model in her photo. She has no face in it. Surprise.
- Amanda has a good face in the photo.
- Jaeda. Gabrielle calls her big. Editors put this clip in the wrong place I think. Tyra calls Jaeda Michael Jackson. Hahahahaha. Michael Jackson is not surprisingly another man Jaeda looks like. Her chin is HUGE in the photo. It is the size of Brooke's home state.
- Anchal didn't try. She had the weirdest exit (where she ran out of the room) other than Jade's exit last season. She has a good face angle but is apparently also Michael Jackson.
- Melrose was stupid by funny. Hey, that's what I said. Her picture is good. Big compliments.
- Cari is amazing. She gets applause. They say the picture is brilliant. I actually think the body is weird, but who do I care, I love CariDee.
- Michelle chickened out. Tyra disses her and talks about how she throws it away and is wasted space or something. She's also Michael Jackson. So everybody Tyra doesn't like is Michael Jackson.

Deliberation: Cari is crazy, Eugena is an insect.

Tyra calls:
- CariDee
- Smelly
- Jaeda (::gasp::)
- Amanda
- Eugena
Bottom two: Michelle and Anchal.

Anchal goes home. She's graceful in her exit. Graceful yet still insecure. Man, I did not see that coming. Five thousand mentions of Anchal and her insecurities. Who would've known.

Next week on ANTM: I didn't see the preview for next week. Let's see.. Jaeda has short hair. Jaeda wants to be a man. Eugena whines. Smellrose wins the challenge. Cari does funny things. I bet they go to an exotic place. I really want them to go to Greenland or something. There's some exotic photo shoot and/or a commercial or acting. One of the twins goes home.

Until next time..

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