Top Chef Episode 4

Last week on Top Chef:
-Emily made salt.
-Betty scolded Wolverine.
-Betty screamed really loudly when she won.
-Emily went home.

This week:
-I think Padma is hilarious.
-Betty feels good.
-Michael feels like crap. Maybe he ate his own food.
-The guest judge of the week is Suzanne Goin.

Quickfire: Amuse-Bouche
-Contestants have to make an Amuse-Bouche, something that "amuses the mouth."
-They head to go shopping.. at the vending machines outside of the kitchen. Hahahaha.
-They have $10 in quarters to spend on 2 ingredients per machine. It appears there are typical snacks and drinks machines and one of those nicer spinning machines with after meal type foods like sandwiches.
-Cliff thinks Michael will win because Michael eats crap. Kinda like Miguel of last season. Unlike Miguel, Michael doesn't care and can't cook anything.
-Wolverine sucks. He says some crap about something.
-Michael is last in line and says screw the Quickfire because the items he wanted are gone. Stupid. Although I do agree that everybody should have had the same choices. They should have stocked the vending machines with enough product so it wasn't a first-come-first-serve deal.
-Marisa sucks. She's making a salad.. out of a salad that she bought. So she's pretty much making a slightly more advanced version of one of the ingredients she bought. Cop-out, I think. At least this is one of only two or three times that she speaks all episode. Yay.
-Wolverine has the smallest melon baller in the world.
-Michael pretty much makes a penis. It looks disgusting. He didn't try at all.
-Ilan says peoples portions are too huge. An Amuse-Bouche is supposed to be a small taste that makes you want more.

What they made:
Frank- Ham and Swiss Cheese Quiche. Mint Infused Tea.
Betty- Fromage Frittata. Basil, Pear and Fiig Sauce.
Sam- Potato Salad and Pickle with Fennel Powder on Crispy Chip.
Elia- Dorito Tostada, Chicken Salad, Chili Corn and Lime.
Michael- Penis: Cheese Puff set in a chocolate candy bar mound. Stupid. It's literally a Cheeto stuck into a piece of Snickers.
Josie- Deconstructed chicken salad and shortbread cookie puree.
Cliff- Curried Banana Pudding, Sunflower seeds and Herb Cheese Crisp.
Marisa- Tropical Salad. They literally do not show her dish at all. It's the only one that's not shown. Hahahaha.
Carlos- Sunflower seed and carrot loaf with cilantro, sesame and squirt. It looks disgusting but apparently tastes really good.
Mia- La Bocadita Deliciosa: Twinkie with charred banana and strawberry yogurt. Ginger lime mojito. Suzanne says it's a dessert. Mia says yes. Suzanne says, "but it's supposed to be an amuse-bouche." I guess not everybody knows what that means completely, Miss Snotty.
Wolverine- Duo of cracklings with lemon and rice pudding. Grapefruit soda. Suzanne says this is also very dessert-like. She doesn't give him the same attitude she gave Mia though. Why? Wolverine is more obnoxious.
Ilan- Deviled Egg with corn nuts, deep fried salami, pear nectar and fig paste. When I saw this, I said okay, Ilan wins. I LOVE deviled eggs. Mmmmm.

Elimination Challenge:
They are split into four teams. Each has to make an entree, side dish, and dessert.. all under 500 calories. They will have to serve their food at Camp Glucose to kids between the ages of 8 and 18.

The teams are:
Black- Wolverine, Betty, Frank
Orange- Cliff, Carlos, Sam
White (white haha)- Ilan, Elia, Josie
Red- Mia, Michael, Marisa

The black team was totally setup by the producers. What are the chances of Wolverine and Betty being on the same team? Almost too good, huh. I call the Red team the handicapped team. It has Michael and Marisa. What do you expect? Other people might have nicknamed them the M-team or something. Nope, handicapped team it is.

-Apparently Sam is diabetic. No way.
-Wolverine suggested asparagus. How about pizza, Betty says.
-There are Nutritionists for each team. Some seem more pleasant than others.
-Marisa wants to make chocolate fudge cake. She's not annoying when she talks here. It's amazing.
-Betty is making meringues. She puts a thousand whites in the mixer and then wonders why they're not forming stiff peaks. As they spill over the top of the mixing bowl.
-Marisa opens her mouth again. What are the chances of not being annoying twice in a row? Slim to none. She says there's no way you can make meringue with splenda instead of sugar. It's a big no in pastry business or something. Shut up, who says we should trust you after that penna cotta?
-Orange team's dessert sucks. It's a smoothie. Whoopie. Not. White team is making a cheesecake that looks amazing. The other two look pretty good. Then there's team protein shake. Carlos says these kids have to learn a lifestyle of healthy. Except the thing is, the other desserts fit into the 500 calorie mark. It's also sometimes about finding the healthiest ways to eat really good food.
-Wolverine says Betty is failing. Actually, he says the meringues are failing, which means Betty is failing. The associative property or something. He says if they lose, Betty will throw him under the bus. Shut up.
-Mia looks like a kid in confessional.
-So the next day, there's all this suspicious talk. Apparently, Betty altered the recipe. After the nutritionists approved their menus, they were not supposed to deviate at all I guess.
-Surprisingly, Marisa does not start openly accusing Betty and telling on her to Tom.

At Camp Glucose:
-Gail looks ridiculous. She's dressed ridiculously and her facial expression is ridiculous as always.
-The teams have to have one person sell their menu to the kids and then the kids choose what they want to eat.
-Josie is loud. The kids laugh at her.
-Michael pitches his group's idea. He's also laughed at. Oh, he says "rock and roll." I thought that phrase was gone from television for awhile. Bummer. Now I have to bring out my bongos from storage. Let's play music! Rock and roll!
-The kids choose their dishes. 5 choose red, 7 choose orange, 7 choose white, and 15 choose black. Because they want pizza.
-The kids are awesome.
-Some kid wants to marry the hot diabetic guy. Earth to kid.. Sam has a man-ponytail sometimes. It's fugly.
-The consensus is that the smoothie is sour and disgusting, and Red's cole slaw is disgusting. It has no flavor. That's just because Emily used up all the salt last week.
-Afterwards, the chefs play soccer with the kids. Wolverine hits Ilan in the face with the ball. Elia thinks it's hilarious.

Judging:
-Black team wins.
-Frank says it was his decision to make pizza.
-Why do I remember it being Betty that mentioned it?
-Frank gets Suzanne's book and at this point I was laughing because what a lame prize. He also gets to collaborate with her on a three course meal. Not as awesome as your dish in TGIF all over the country.
-Orange and Red are the bottom 2.
-The judges ask who made the cole slaw. The Red team says all of them.
-Marisa doesn't throw anybody under the bus?!
-Mia stands up for Michael saying it's ridiculous that people say he doesn't care.
-Suzanne immediately gets defensive and says she said he ACTS like he doesn't care. Umm, whatever.
-Sam says people cheated. Then he refuses to name names. He says he won't go there. It makes him seem like he's desperately pulling at straws.
-Mia says she'll go there. She says Betty substituted Sugar instead of Splenda.
-There's tension while they all wait in the room for the verdict.
-Tom goes to talk to all of them.
-Betty explains that she made the portions smaller and used two extra tablespoons of sugar. She thought it was okay as long as they stayed below their 500 calorie mark.
-Betty cries.
-Wolverine bitches that they didn't cheat.
-Tom says he thinks it was an honest mistake.
-Nobody is going home. Instead, they're all grounded. Haha, he says they're all on probation.
-Pack home, Josie gets loud again. Something about not holding her hand.
-Marisa thinks Mia is hypocritical for not mentioning to Betty that she was the one to call her out. Umm, excuse me, you're calling someone else hypocritical, Marisa? You defined the word.

Next week:
A plate comes back and then time runs out and they can't send it back out. So they're cooking on a line in a restaurant. Looks like all of them are working together. Maybe teams of two. Not sure. Basically, next week, there are problems.

Until next time..