Catch Up: American Idol, Top Model, Amazing Race, Apprentice

Funniest Moments of the Past Few Weeks of Reality:
Instead of recapping all the shows I missed or apologizing really, I'm just going to give my favorite highlights of each show.

American Idol:
The judges don't even critique Sanjaya anymore. He's on his own show, wears his hair however he feels like, and week after week, better singers are eliminated. Everybody's forgotten about how Scarnato edged out Sabrina Sloan because at least Haley tries to sing.

I also liked Gwen Stefani. Loved that she performed. Thought she was good at critiquing everybody.

And of course, LOVED that Sabrina Sloan was in the audience. They panned over her and then focused on Melinda's family, who she was sitting with. I noticed the hair and yelled, "Sabrina!" Yay. Glad to see her again. Love ya, Sabrina. Still voting for you every week. Except I'm not actually crazy, so no, but I do think about how much better she would've done than some of those fools every week.

America's Next Top Model:
Loved that they had to be men. Loved how ridiculous Natasha was. Loved how much Renee sucked at the laser challenge. Loved the mail order phone sex. Now that Diana is rightfully gone, this probably means Whitney's going to the end. If I had to predict a final three without analyzing the collage right now, I would say Jaslene, Renee, and Whitney. Apparently Brittany is good, but I don't like her. She reminds me of the girl whose face fell off. I don't like her face.

The Amazing Race:
Loved the Barbies' first place. Loved that teams were still completing a leg when other teams had started the next one. Hated the stupid intersection. Loved Eric's "Ladies and Gentlemen... Miss California" when Dustin suddenly puked sausage. Loved the excessive penis references from the extremely inappropriate but hilarious minds of Charla and Mirna.

But the quote that takes the cake.. I think it was two episodes ago. Dustin and Kandice are talking about being the first all-female team to win. And one of them says they just have to beat "Too Hot to Handle." And they laugh about how anybody could possibly compete with that. Anyway, that was hilarious. I think they realized when they were saying it that a portion of the audience would hate them for saying it and say they're awful people and picking on someone with a disability. But at the same time, they knew there was another portion of the audience who would love it. So they were trying to hold back and not seem completely awful but at the same time, directing their comments at their fans who would find it amazing.

I am one of those fans. I love those two and if you haven't read my recaps from last season, I believe I spent an entire recap talking about why people were stupid for hating them and why they're amazing. Yes, when I have favorites, I cannot stop complimenting them or defending them. I am pretty loyal in that sense. But it's not like I pick bad favorites. My favorites are always worthy of the praise.

And of course, D/K prove all of the points I've ever made and run a pretty efficient and successful race. I cannot state enough how much I like their demeanor and strategy on this race. They don't make friends, they don't make perminent alliances, they don't go out of the way to focus on other teams and try to sabotage them. They just run a good race. The only team who may be playing this better right now is ChaChaCha. Danny and Oswald have found a way to be nice and liked by all teams without helping or aligning really with any of them. I am proud of how they're playing. ChaChaCha and Barbies to the end. That would be beautiful. Too bad JV and Jill can't come back and be that third final team.

The Apprentice:
A lot has changed. After hearing in an interview with Derek that Heidi was not part of an alliance and everybody truly thought she was good, I have to apologize for how much i bashed her. She came from small-town Michigan. I'm from Michigan. I know the type. A little sheltered growing up, and then breaking free to pursue bigger and better things elsewhere where nobody can really help you and you have to tough it out and do it yourself. I think Heidi's learned how to be successful and whether it involves smug faces or not, I do give her credit.

Kristine has become hilarious to me. She's said some things that have been a little subtle, but really funny. When Muna said she couldn't "use the Lord's name in vain," Kristine said, "Well, God told me I could use his name in vain." And then she talked about what we viewers say all the time. God is not in the boardroom making the decisions. I'm pretty sure if God was around, he would be focusing his time and energy on starving children and bridging the educational gap. Not deciding who gets to work with The Donald.

Also, when Kristine told the cameraman it was none of his business what went on when her husband spent the night, I thought that was hilarious. First of all, aren't all the beds in one room? What did they do, sleep in the bathtub? Hahaha.

Lastly, I love that Tim was ripped apart at a boardroom he wasn't a part of. It's like the opposite of when Rob Mariano controlled a tribal council he wasn't even at. Tim looks like such a schmuck on the show. It's too bad because I think Tim's probably a lot of fun. There was just no way to win for him. Every situation was lose-lose.