America's Next Top Model Episode 4

Last week on Why Can't I Be the Class Whore? Waaaah:
There were so many different titles I could have used. "Sarah Flashed Her Boy Boobies." "I Sucked? That Must Mean I'm Pretty." (Natasha speaking, of course) Okay, maybe there were only three choices. Anyway, last time the girls learned to walk. They did a high school prom fashion show. Sarah flashed her boy boobies at all the high school kids. Jaslene thought she was so fierce that she didn't have to listen to directions. Renee talked smack and then proceeded to piss and moan about not getting to be the class whore or class weirdo. Shut up, Renee. Samantha got sent home for being lame and sheltered.

This week on I Dedicate This Recap to Cassandra:
Okay, I am not trying to mock Jael at all. It's just that I just watched the episode and she said she was dedicating her photo to her friend that passed away. And to me, Cassandra has passed away.. from the show. It was as hard of an elimination as any other.. and I pissed and moan about it for a long time. Cassandra was gorgeous. Stupid Tyra.

We start out with makeovers! Yay! This is such the best part. Let's see.. Cassandra got a big fro, which I was iffy on. I would've liked her long and wavy. Felicia got bangs and a darker weave. Brittany got a red weave. Whitney got longer, fuller. Jaslene got shorter but fuller. Renee went short "like Yoanna" but not really. Diana went fuller? I don't know.. Oh, she went blonde. Jael went really long and then really short. Stupid Tyra. They made her sit there for eight hours getting the length put in and then took it all out and made her extremely short.. and darker. Nastasha went dark and I like it. Dionne went short and heavy in the front. Surprisingly, she looked amazing. Sarah went dark. Is that it? If I don't remember, then they don't matter.

So this was perhaps the greatest makeover episode ever. Tyra and Miss Jay both acted like over-dramatized versions of past seasons' girls who cried over their makeovers. We got to see Jaeda's open-mouthed sob again. I just wish they would've shown Monique getting her tracks out again since the reason she was crying was she didn't want to be on TV without her tracks in. A problem that could easily have been resolved by not drawing attention to herself by crying and freaking out. I think it would have been wonderful and cruel to show it yet again.

I think the emphasis they placed on how stupid the girls are when they bawl over their makeovers kept anybody from this cycle from really crying for no reason. Jael I can understand because it's almost torture to make someone get hair taken out right after it was put in. That sucks. And Brittany's just a whiner. Although she didn't seem to make a huge fuss until later.

So the theme of this episode was Brittany is a crybaby and Jael's really emotional over her friend's death. That's tough but I think Jael dealt with it well just like Kahlen from cycle 4 did. Apparently Brittany has become really annoying. She reminds me of Michelle "my skin is falling off" from cycle 4 in that I don't see the appeal of either and they're both annoying.

The challenge is CoverGirl Cosmetics. The girls have to make their faces look amazing in ten minutes or something, which is a lot of time, I feel. They do have to run around a garden for whatever reason. Cassandra gets disqualified for being like three seconds late. And I weep. Not actually, but I started getting the feeling this episode was building up to screw her in the end.

Brittany wins the challenge, for whatever reason. I don't know. I didn't think she looked any better than anyone else. She chooses Jael and Sarah to join her in her photoshoot for Seventeen. Which I will probably be buying when the issue comes out. Even though none of the girls featured are my favorites. Renee pisses and moans, I presume. I don't actually remember. Oh, but Brittany's reason for choosing Jael and Sarah was that they told her to stick with it and do the challenge even though she was sick. Renee, of course, told her to go lie down. Which showed the bitch in her, not the mom in her.

This is when Jael finds out her friend overdosed. It's hard to tell at first what's going on because she's a little incomprehensible to begin with. Anyway, the girls all console her. Meanwhile, there's a very minor spat between Renee and Brittany. Which I don't care about at all. Renee says Brittany is being fake, but pot, meet kettle. Every time someone is doing well, they become Renee's prime target and enemy. And apparently they can all win the little battles as long as she can win the war. Which, if you look at history, Renee, means you've lost a lot of soldiers and that makes it less likely for you to ultimately win the war. Can't win a war without winning a battle.

So the photoshoot is ice cream. The girls are posing nude but with a lot of paint and ice cream accessories. Sounds gross to have to clean up after but is a neat idea. Brittany is nervous about posing nude, but actually doesn't bitch and moan nearly as much as girls from the past.

Everybody seems to do decently. Cassandra is like Lluvy, another favorite of mine, from cycle 4. Geez, lots of cycle 4 references today. Like Lluvy, Cassandra is striking and gorgeous but doesn't have the posing quite down. Diana also sucks. And everybody else seems middle-of-the-road.

At panel, Tyra actually looks nice. She's surprising me this cycle. They complain that Jaslene isn't acting stereotypical enough. Tyra goes all hypocritical by saying she always "talks black" and then later reverts back to her normal talk. Ugh. Tyra hasn't yet been nearly as annoying as last cycle, but it started to show here. There are ways of telling Jaslene to not be as withdrawn in judging that don't involve telling her to act all stereotypical Hispanic.

Diana and Cassandra are bottom two and as soon as Jaslene is given her picture as the third worst, Whitney starts bawling. And when Cassandra is cut, we find that all of the girls loved her and she has a great heart. Which, yeah, you could totally tell. I'm glad she was so appreciated. Like Brooke from last cycle, when a girl leaves and the other girls are visibly shaken, it means something. Cassandra, hopefully you'll go far. She leaves us very graciously. I think she's great. Best of luck, Cassandra. You're stunning.