Top Chef Episode 5

Last week on Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar:
Chefs had to make an amuse-bouche and Cliff rocked it. Then, as teams of three, they had to design a meal for kids at Camp Glucose for under 500 calories. Apparently, the winning team cheated, or according to Sam, he might have heard of the possibility of someone on another team possibly not playing totally by the supposed rules. Tom put all of the chefs on "probation," which meant they were all sent to their rooms and grounded for the night. Nobody went home.

This week on If Nobody Went Home Last Week, I Wonder How Many Will Go This Week:
The guest chef is a lady who reminds me of someone I know, but I can't pinpoint who. The theme of this week is leftovers. Now, I would have been really happy if the chefs actually had to work with, you know, leftovers. Like I would have liked to see a plate of shredded leftover chicken from Padma's dinner last night. Or a plate of leftover spinach that had been sitting in the fridge for a night. That would have been great.

Instead, for the Quickfire, chefs had to use the leftover parts of animals. Like the liver and etc. I don't know what some of the stuff was and they had interesting names for them, so I was a little clueless. They had two hours to prepare a meal with at least one of the ingredients. Betty points out the obvious but still hilarious.. Wolverine goes for the pig's blood. "Don'tcha think he kinda looks like a vampire?" Hahaha.

During judging, Elia and Josie were pointed out as the worst because their flavors sucked and their dishes were difficult to eat. Elia goes on to confessional to say that she tries to make her dishes taste like a elegant version of the actual food or something. She doesn't mask her food with sauces. I really would've given a buck or two to have Suyai back for a few minutes to say, "Hello, I'm a liver" again. Hahaha.

The best three are Ilan, Sam, and Cliff, I believe. I'll just go assume that's true because it's quite obvious these three are the best. Sam wins and this means he is the only one immune at tribal council.. er, I mean, the judging table.

Next, chefs show up at a restaurant that will be hosting Jennifer Coolidge's big lunch date with sixty friends. I'll go out on a limb and say she knows five of these guests enough to call them actual friends. For anybody unaware, Michael tells us that it's so cool to be able to cook for Stiffler's mom. That's her.. Mrs. Stiffler.

They have to pick a partner and work together to prepare one course of the meal. Wolverine and Frank have course 1. They make salmon and beets. Guest judge says the textures are similar, so it's not extremely superb. That gets washed over as the other judges show how little they care about the guest judge's comments. They think it's good.

Course 2 is Sam and Cliff with foie gras and scallops. They both work really well on the dish and as a team don't seem to run into any difficulties. Cliff doesn't care that Sam has immunity and Sam shows that it doesn't matter that he has immunity. They serve their dish as two plates because they can't figure out how to combine the flavors. The judges seem to like it.

Course 3 is Ilan and Michael. Seafood Paella. Mmmm. Elsie would be proud (different season, different show, I know). Everybody is surprised that Ilan wanted to work with Michael. The dish is apparently excellent, although guest judge points out that there's too much seasoning. Again, the other judges don't care and say it's excellent anyway.

Course 4 is Betty and Mia with their duck napoleon. When I heard this, I was all, ewww.. duck ice cream?! But apparently one can make a savory version of a napoleon and serve it on top of fifteen layers of uncooked puff pastry and call it a napoleon. The judges are confused about the puff pastry and Padma, who btw I have noticed really knows nothing, says that the duck should be the feature of this dish. Gail is all, yeah duh, and says the duck should be pink on the inside if it's cooked correctly. The guest judge doesn't like it.

Course 5 is Josie and Marisa, whom I will name Team Trainwreck. They make what they call an Awakening Trio, which, it doesn't seem these people are falling asleep just yet. The fifth course, we find out, is traditionally a protein. Instead, they serve a strange salad, some weird clump of diced fruit, and pepto bismol. Josie didn't have to say it for me to think it. The minute I saw that spoon, I thought, why is there an antacid on the plate? I think it's funny these two chose each other.. and Cliff and Sam chose each other as well. It appears good chefs hang out with each other and trainwrecks hang out with each other as well.

Course 6 is Carlos and Elia, who have also decided to do three things. Theirs is a trio of desserts. It looks pretty plated, but apparently that doesn't make up for the pomegranate juice that has gone bad. I know exactly what they mean. It gets this really bitter unripe taste. It doesn't always mean it's gone bad though, I don't think. Anyway, they end up messing up one of their plates and put two juices on it instead of an ice cream and that plate comes back with no time left to fix it. That plate cannot be served. The two of them are upset and Carlos goes on to say it was completely his fault and Elia should not go home because of him. That's a nice gesture, but let's see how far that goes into the judging room.

Judgement:
The judges decide that Michael & Ilan's paella and Cliff & Sam's foie gras and scallop are the best dishes. The two teams go to the judging table and Michael is pleased that he has gone from a permanent seat in the bottom three to a seat in the top. This is mainly because of Ilan.. we all know it. If it weren't for him, Michael probably would have molded the rice into a phallic symbol. Anyway, the judges say Cliff and Sam should have found a way to combine the two dishes. Michael and Ilan win and guest judge has to choose one person to go to the Food and Wine Festival with her. Ilan is the ultimate winner. Yay. This is pretty much a three man show right now.

Next, Betty & Mia, Team Trainwreck, and Carlos & Elia are called back. They're criticized for their obvious flaws. Marisa doesn't throw Josie under the bus, surprisingly again. I think maybe Josie's temper tantrum from last episode scared her. Anyway, the judges' conversation obviously shows that there are no redeeming qualities to Team Trainwreck's dish. They didn't really cook anything even. So Padma says, "Marisa.." and Marisa nods her head sadly in resignation (haha), "and Josie.." and Josie also nods, "please pack your knives and go." Mia looks completely shocked. The rest of them also respond accordingly. We see some of the other chefs crying. I wonder if it's because of Josie's departure or because they now realize they had a great chance of going home as a pair themselves. We all know it wasn't because of Marisa. Hahaha. Much like Starr, Marisa is gone fairly early in the game, but not early enough.

Next week on Wolverine is So Small Compared to Frank:
Frank threatens to beat Wolverine into a pulp. Chefs have to make some sort of Thanksgiving related meal. The previews are awful.

Until next time..