Survivor 14 Episode 1

This week on An Ethnic Adventure:
We meet the most ethnic group ever on this show. We got all ethnicities, all different backgrounds, all different lifestyles. It's great. And Jeff mentions that one chick had a nervous breakdown the day before they were sent out and so we have 19 Survivors this season.

We start off with all 19 rowing to shore together. Once they get there, there's no tribe flag, nothing to signal what's happening game-wise. They soon find their water source and a lot of fresh fruit. Introductions all around and then Jeff flies by in a plane and drops a box with a parachute. They all decide it would be a good idea for like ten of them to row out and get it. Then a bunch of the macho guys try their hardest to break open the box by smashing it and tossing it around. Up comes Yao-man, who tells us, obviously the weakest points are the corners of the box. He drops it on a corner twice and the box busts open. Everybody thinks Yao-man is awesome.

Let's see.. there's too much chaos for the first half when they're all together. I do recall Cassandra is very smiley and seems really good-natured. She was hanging with Yao-man. For the first few minutes, Jessica and Rita confused me, but I quickly realized Jessica was the younger one, and besides, it won't matter anymore.

Anyway, so in the box is a map to where a bunch of supplies are stored for them to build the most elaborate ridiculous shelter ever. So Mark Burnett decided to save time and gave Apprentice and Survivor exactly the same premise. Sylvia is an architect. So is Laura Bennett from Runway. I didn't like Laura. We'll see about Sylvia. Not that I judge people on their occupation..

Sylvia tells everybody what to do and they put this ridiculous jungle castle together. They take a break for water at one point and Sylvia gets all worried that they won't finish. She starts using big five-letter words like "askew" and James, who we can call Rocky, says its too hard for him and he wants to go back to third grade. Then, Sylvia explains what askew means by saying "not orthagonal." Hahaha. Classy.

So Sylvia was right and because they don't finish the shelter, they all are miserable in the rain with a tarp draped over everybody. So the next day they finish building. We start to see the beginning of the sad alliance. Sad because it lasts like eleven minutes. Erica wants to team up with Jessica. Sad, sad alliance.

I guess this second day goes by fast because the next thing I remember is Rocky flipping out about Dreamz. So apparently this season you couldn't get on without a nickname or four. James is going by Rocky and people call his other things like Boston. Dre tells us that he came up with a nickname for himself, which is lame. Lame because you're supposed to get nicknames from inside jokes and stuff.. and your friends or family are supposed to give them to you. Also lame because Dreamz? Really? That was the best you could come up with? And the seventh grade spelling of it really takes the cake. At some point, they mention Papa Smurf is Gary's nickname and someone calls Michelle "Monkey." Either because they're racist or because she's like a ball of bubbly fire. Which makes no sense.

Okay, so the Rocky v. Dreamz catfight is ridiculous. Dreamz is like making proclamations and speeches every five seconds when everyone is trying to sleep. Rocky has enough of it when Dreamz kinda taunts him. So they fight about basically nothing.

So we go out to meet Jeff and you can see a challenge lined up. This means teams are happening. Like Trump did with the tent task, Jeff asks who stood out during the shelter task. Everybody agrees that Sylvia did. So Sylvia gets to choose the teams. She splits them up rather systematically, splitting the girls first, then the guys. She splits up Rocky and Dreamz, which is probably wise. Then she finds out she's going to Exile. She will join the losing team after the tribal council.

This week's immunity challenge is to race chariots. Two people will be riding each team's chariot and the rest will be pulling it. Along the way, they'll have to untie three bags of puzzle pieces. They'll have to grab a flag and circle around, completing a full cycle of the course. Then four people will have to complete three puzzles that spell out three numbers. They'll have to spin this wheel according the the combination and if they're right, they'll find a knife to cut down a rope and release a flag.

It's Stacy and Lissi on the Moto chariot and Jessica and Michelle on the Ravu chariot. Jessica gets the first bag slower than Stacy does. Stacy does all of the bags for Moto and Michelle gets the last two bags for Ravu. Ravu gets the lead when they reach the puzzles, but Moto gets through the puzzle more quickly. They get the knife and chop their rope and win immunity! This means they get to live in the nice camp, which will receive a couch and a shower. Ravu, on the other hand, will go to another camp with only a machete and a pot. Hahaha. It's kinda stupid as a twist, but it's still funny.

We see Moto go back to Survivor Hilton and we see Ravu go to Probst Trailer Park. Or basically just a normal camp. Everybody tries to stay positive but Erica's pretty upset.

We get to see Sylvia on Exile Island with a bunch of sea snakes. Yuck. She finds the first immunity clue that says the idol is on the beach at home. This kinda makes Exile just a sad sad place. The best Exile moment is still when Danielle and Austin had to survive the biggest storm ever. Oh wait.. no, the best Exile moment is when Candice was there for like the eighth time and crying about it, yet I felt no sympathy. Only joy.

Anyway, the team's pretty sold on getting rid of Jessica while Erica, Rocky, and Jessica were agreed on Rita. I do think Jessica screwed up a couple times in the challenge. I'm not sure who would have sucked more in the long run. Basically, though, there was nobody I really hated and wanted to leave. Which is nice on an episode of Survivor. Rocky and Erica refuse to vote for Jessica, so end up throwing their votes random places.

Jeff asks some introductory questions.. no harsh ones. They vote and Jessica is voted out like 4-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 or something ridiculous. It's a little sad.

Next week on Survivor:
Some idiot cuts his finger and then goes to lie in a hammock, which then breaks. Hahaha. I don't remember who it was. We'll see next week.