The Apprentice Episode 5

Last time on The Episode That Was Completely Misleading:
From listening to and reading interviews with Marisa, I have grown increasingly ticked off at Trump and his shotty editing crew. Not only did Arrow use the El Pollo Loco chicken suit to attract customers, but everybody knew it and still Marisa got fired. I could tell that Heidi was threatened by someone so vocal, and knowing how manipulative Heidi is now, I'm pissed that she didn't suck this episode. Marisa seems like a good person with good intentions and this was perhaps the only time when a firing was basically unfair. It is true that she wouldn't have been able to work with that team after that task anyway, but it's really not her fault for not wanting to be another one of Heidi's lap dogs. Visit Marisa at www.marisa-demato.com and support her causes.

This week on The Glasses Are Back!:
I don't think anybody understands how much I love talking about Stefani's glasses. I just think it's really funny how low she wears them because it kinda makes her looks like a middle school librarian glaring at the stupid kids being loud in the corner. It's like Arrow has an extra member on their team.. Aaron, Tim, Suits, Nicole, James, Surya, Stefani, and Stefani's glasses. Now I sound crazy.

So this week brings out an aspect of this Apprentice that I hate. Alliances are for Survivor because Survivor is not a merit-based game. The Apprentice, however, is, and I feel that alliances are exactly what this show is not about. Especially because contestants are often asked their honest opinion on other contestants. I know there has been a lot of talk of alliances in the past, but I have always seen them as merit-based, and therefore not considered actual alliances. People have protected others who may have had small mistakes that Trump could end up blowing up, but it's always been so the team can get rid of dead weight, or someone who is less qualified. Anyway, we'll talk more about this later.

The task this week is Sue Bee honey. Ummm. They're in LA. They're a fascinating group of people. Why do you keep giving them lame tasks, Trump? And all of these tasks have basically been selling stuff. Bring back some of the interesting tasks from before. Work with fundraising, work with car companies, do something interesting. Honey is so not interesting. Although I have to say Sue Bee honey and I go way back. But we're not going to go into that because this isn't my show. Apparently it's Heidi's.

The first segment of the show is the teams harvesting honey. Which is almost as exciting as punching Rachael Ray in the face. Actually, no, that would be really exciting. I don't know why I bring up Rachael Ray except maybe because I think Heidi's annoying like her. But Heidi's much more conniving. I might have liked her on Survivor or Big Brother. Not here.

Anyway, so the best part of the honey harvesting is Stefani being petrified of bees and the editors being really adamant in playing that up. She even gets them to tape up any openings where the bees could get through. It's pretty funny but impossible to explain why. Kinetic's harvesting isn't that interesting except Derek gets stung a lot, which is kinda awesome. I bet Marisa hired them to get back at him for throwing her under the bus.

So while most of Kinetic was harvesting honey, PM Aimee and the hilarious but unseen Jenn are trying to come up with a name for the honey. Which according to the highly edited and highly untrustworthy footage, takes them four hours. Ultimately, Kristine suggests something and they go with it. Meanwhile, there is confessional after confessional of people talking smack about Aimee. Maybe this is leading up to Trump firing her next week. Who knows. Apparently, Heidi's the only one who knows how to be his sidekick in the boardroom.

I won't comment on what they show of Aimee and Jenn because I think it's probably a complete exaggeration. I think both of them are probably great and that's why people are now trying to take them down. Who knows. I don't trust the confessionals even.

In the Arrow planning committee, Surya is using a lot of business jargon and it's annoying. I don't think either Surya or James is completely correct in their approaches on business.. they just have different styles. Surya is like the systematic people on Kinetic. Arrow is much more big picture. They just don't mesh. Why did they pick Surya? If I recall, both Aimee and Marisa volunteered to go to Arrow. I think they both would have been better than Surya.

They show Arrow packaging the honey later that night, just so they can show how Tim sucked at keeping his spot in the assembly line. Frankie Suits and Tim get into a good-natured fight about how Tim is getting all the bottles sticky because he sucks at the simple task. They throw in friendly banter and laughter and a few comments from Nicole on how cute Tim is and Arrow becomes even more likeable.

So they show Aimee walking around buying stuff and Muna and Derek moving the boxes of honey out to put on the shelves. Muna is hilarious and asks how they're going to sell the honey if it isn't out on the shelves. I think Muna is extremely sensible and it kills her when people don't get things done in a reasonable manner. I think she's awesome.

Here's how the teams sold their exciting Sue Bee honey:

Arrow: Stefani and her glasses were shown doing most of the selling. Apparently everybody had a booth. Aaron sends Tim and Nicole to get some bulk sales and they spend the entire time making out in the van. No, actually they just have no luck because honey isn't something that people will get excited about buying in bulk. Because honey is a stupid stupid task, Trump.

Kinetic: They start off seeming scattered. Then Derek decides to put on a beekeeper's suit. Yes, a suit. A costume. Not unlike a chicken suit. Actually, more ridiculous than a chicken suit, given the situation. And someone comes up with the brilliant idea to finally use Angela's gold medal status. Hell if I was there, I would have bought a hundred bottles of honey if a gold medalist told me to. Yes, I'm easily influenced. And I really like the Olympics.

Then, we get the most staged circus parade ever. Trump is at some convention in Minnesota. He gets someone to tell Sean exactly when to call him and then has this big Tyra "I'm so important right now" moment. Ridiculous. Sean tells him that Kinetic won by like $77 or something. Arrow just looks defeated and I'm sad because I really like them.

So we get to see Arrow move back to Trump Trailer Park. We get to see Kinetic visit the Lakers and get some basketball lessons. I'm not at all interested in recapping that. We get to see Tim and Nicole getting really close and that's much more interesting to me. It's kinda like Big Brother when Drew and Diane hooked up. Except hopefully less of a showmance. I liked both Drew and Diane and I like both Tim and Nicole. So it's not like when Sean and Tammy had their awkward moments last season.

The part of this episode that pissed me off the most was the complete backstabbing by Surya. Trump has fired people for being disloyal to their teams. How the hell is going to the other team for help not qualify as a warranted firing? Surya goes to Derek, whom we all know as the designated instigator of the tricks in this game. Derek goes to Aimee and basically says she needs to save Surya. Here's the thing. If you think Surya's great, as a part of an opposing team, you want him to leave. He is not Amber, Derek is not Rob, and Aimee is not Lex. But let me tell you, I can see Aimee getting a Lex-style ax and I hope she watches out.

So the entire boardroom is basically a joke. Surya keeps blatantly asking for Aimee to back him up. Aimee comes out really aggressive and then tones it down when Trump says he doesn't necessarily like her style that much more than Aaron's style from last week. By the way, how did the first few clips of the show not make it obvious that Aaron would be in trouble?

About half the team blames Surya, and Nicole and Tim kinda begrudgingly say it's Aaron's fault. This is why Arrow is filled with better people than Kinetic. How ironic is it that Kinetic went after Marisa like a pack of jackals and then Arrow gets berated when some of them go after Surya? At least Arrow had some reason to blame Surya. And if Trump fired Marisa because she didn't fit with her team, then it would have been in line for him to fire Surya. I wish he would at least make an attempt at being consistent.

And the rest of the boardroom consists of Trump being totally inappropriate and prying into the Tim and Nicole thing while Tim and Nicole handle it extremely well and pretty much say let's keep it professional in the boardroom. But Trump will have none of that and keeps prying. They get into this would you marry her stuff, which is really weird and must have been so awkward for Nicole, who laughs it off. Really like these two.

Basically, Trump doesn't want to hear what Aaron has to say, which is funny because that's what he berates him about.. not saying anything in the boardroom last time. Wow, Trump, you need to stop getting ideas from other reality shows.. you're turning into Tyra.

Aaron is fired. And Surya is so pissed he's shitting a brick. He talks us to the end of the show and Nicole just politely and quietly nods and tries to get him to calm down. This just shows that while Arrow is loud as a team, when it comes down to it, they're calm under pressure, which obviously Surya doesn't know how to be. I liked Aaron. It's too bad an alliance beat out people who wanted to play fairly.

Next week on The Apprentice:
More of the Tim and Nicole saga. And I don't mind it for once. It means neither of them is getting fired and means there's a greater chance of someone obnoxious getting fired.