Top Chef Episode 13 (Finale)

Last time on Some Sort of Deal Went Down Somewhere:
Instead of Sam and Ilan, the final two were announced to be Ilan and Marcel. Probably some sort of deal went down that the villain had to stick around so he could be taken down in the finale. The deal probably involved someone stealing the villain's fish so he would blame it on his team and look like an even bigger villain. I think it would have only been fair to Sam if he was in the finale. I know, I know, Sam's got the personality of Tammy (from the previous Apprentice), which is the personality of a rock. Still, something went down. Sam was almost a Harold. Maybe another reason he couldn't be in the finale. What if Ilan made Saffron pancakes with Saffron ice cream on top? Sam would make a boring winner. Nevertheless, he was screwed by the politics of this show. Somehow, somewhere, something went down.

This week on The Least Exciting Finale Since That Amazing Race Finale:
I haven't recapped this episode yet because I totally forgot that I hadn't covered it. I thought I already recapped it.. that's how memorable it was.

The six previously cut chefs, minus Cliff the assaulter, return in hopes of helping one of the finalists win.. what do they win? Kenmore products? $100,000 I think. They go down the line and say who they want to work with. The surprise is four of them want Marcel and only Elia and Betty want Ilan. So Ilan chooses them and Marcel chooses Sam and Mikey. Yay Mikey!! This means Frank and Mia get rejected from this show yet again. Hahahaha.. I don't like Frank.

So the chefs and their teams have to design a menu and serve dinner to some of the most influential food people in the world. They pick knives to determine where they will be serving and Marcel gets the Japanese restaurant. Which doesn't mean he'll have to do anything Asian, which makes the picking-the-restaurant process pretty pointless.

Let me take a minute and express how much I dislike Gail. I watch this show with a friend and she and I both don't like Gail at all. She seems like the girl in class who always wanted to say something but everything she said was completely meaningless. Gail is like Paula, but not funny. I don't mind Paula actually. She's gotten over the time when she was just horrible and distruptive and now she's just really funny. Gail is not funny. Gail never seems like she's on drugs. She also never claps like a seal. And she also never slept with Corey Clark.

So here's my theory: I think all the other judges hate Gail. Or at least I think Tom and Padma are annoyed by her. Because everything she says is so useless. She states facts like they're her opinion and she says them over and over. She's probably frustrated that nobody cares about what she says so she has to comment about everything so something she says makes it on the show. She'll be like, "Ilan, you stuck with your Spanish roots here and used saffron." Yes, Gail, we can see that. At least Tom's weird analogies are trying to get at something a little deeper than pure observation. Basically, I cannot stand Gail on the show. Lately, I've had this fascination with wanting to punch people when they're obnoxious. It would have been hilarious if that Wiley Dufresne guy punched Gail.

Anyway, what should we talk about? Marcel has learned this trick with encapsuling a vinaigrette in this teardrop made of sugar, I guess? It looks pretty awesome, but like Cassandra Jusino's vaults, the rate of success is about 1-in-10.

Ilan has decided to go Spanish, which is a huge shock. And surprisingly, while Marcel has brought his molecular gastronomy kit, Ilan has brought his saffron. These two always have something up their sleeves.

I don't really remember what's going on throughout the bulk of this episode. Maybe they show them shopping for food? They spend time prepping and then take turns cooking and serving the next day. Which technically means they could have used the same kitchen for service. I think Ilan's cook time and service goes pretty well. Betty messes something up a little but they get over it. They serve and the judges eat and comment. Or in Gail's case.. eat, observe, and repeatedly state things that are common sense.

Marcel is the one with the cook time drama. For some reason, he's lost all of his fish. Oh, right, because of that deal that went down that screwed Sam from being in the finale. Maybe Sam stole the fish. So Marcel manages to misplace an entire tray of raw fish. He also finds out that his vinaigrette teardrops don't work. He blames it on Betty and the humidity. Actually, he just blames it on the humidity.

The guests there are all highly qualified food judges. Some of them have been guest judges in the past, like Michelle Berstein. Some of them are named Wylie Dufresne.. the one person Marcel wants to impress. Marcel wanted to show off his vinaigrette concoction to Wylie and is disappointed when he can't.

At judging, the four assistant chefs are brought out first and asked about the two finalists. Elia and Betty say that Ilan should definitely win because he works with others well in the kitchen and has good food. The judges get on their case about not even working with Marcel that day and having no idea what it was like in his kitchen. It's a little irritating that Marcel has become the teacher's pet because he's always picked on. Anyway, the best part is when they judges go to Mikey and Sam and they confirm what the girls said. Marcel wasn't a good leader. And he lost the fish.

So they bring out Ilan and Marcel and talk to them for a bit and then finally announce that Ilan is the winner! Which is neither surprising nor that exciting since it wasn't surprising. And the judges go congratulate Ilan. As my friend said, if someone were to ask Ilan what he did right after he won Top Chef, the answer would be he hugged Gail. Hahaha. Gail is the first one to hug Ilan because she wants us to remember she was on this show and a crucial part of deciding the ultimate winner. And we'll end on that note.

It appears that Bravo is doing Runway, Top Chef, and Top Design as their yearly schedule. If this is the case, we'll be seeing Top Chef again next winter.