The Apprentice Episode 4

Last week on The Mics Don't Even Like You:
Team Trainwreck had to compete against each other. Michelle led one team while Aaron led the other. Stefani wore her glasses really really low, but did a great job as a tour guide. Nobody wanted to listen to Michelle. Aaron's faux-team won and their reward was the satisfaction of winning. Hahahaha. Michelle wanted to quit, which pissed Trump off because dammit, he wears the pants.

This week on Two What? Oh, Chicken Suits. Right:
I actually just watched the episode like half an hour ago and I'm already recapping. Because this was an excellent episode, even though they didn't really show much of the task. I have many theories that will be forgotten after a night's sleep.

I took very brief notes at the beginning so I wouldn't forget to mention things such as last week when Aaron's team didn't get any sort of reward except for the satisfaction of winning. Best. Reward. Ever.

So I noticed that Apprentice has started going the Survivor route of showing a few minutes of the current episode before going to the intro. In this time, we already get to see about five ridiculous things happening. First, Heidi is lecturing her team like she is their mother. Everybody on Kinetic looks about as excited as a dead rat. So, anybody else think Heidi looks exactly like Rebecca the gimp? Also, Kristine has the same facial features as my mom's friend and Tim looks like someone I can't place.

Anyway, next we get a replay of the call about nobody else getting fired. Frankie Suits the Chimpanzee's ridiculous reaction included. Then we get an odd three-way call from Trump to the two teams. It seems like he's actually calling both teams at once, but he could have easily called them separately. He tells Kinetic to give someone up to go work on Arrow. There is really only one answer here and it's Derek. Possibly Angela. Nobody else on Kinetic would mesh with Arrow. However, Heidi, being the head honcho that she thinks she is, volunteers to go if nobody else will. All along probably assuming this won't happen since she's supposed to be PM again. Aimee, Marisa, and Surya all volunteer and Trump asks Arrow who they want. They choose Surya.

So Surya packs up his bags and moves outside with Arrow for the night. This is where we find out the real reason why they picked him. They're all drunk and like to say his name. Oh, by the way, before this happened, Arrow was sitting around their campfire discussing Cheese Doodles. No joke. Stefani has never heard of the term Cheese Doodles and Frankie Suits cannot believe it. You know, as dysfunctional as they are, they're fun to watch. I also think at this point, everybody left gets along with everybody else. Oh, and a couple Kinetic members are standing on that rock looking over the top of the bushes to watch Surya settle in. It's kinda cute.

Now this is still pre-intro. Surya totally pulls a Furonda and pulls out his fourth grade composition notebook where he's written a bunch of guidelines, or let's say rules, for Arrow to follow. He starts reading them off and the editors did a montage of it and made it seem like he talked forever. Nobody really calls him out for trying to steal Furonda's thunder, so I don't know how long it actually took. Or maybe the rest were too drunk to care and clapped for an encore when he finished. All I know is if you have guidelines ready for Arrow, not knowing at all that you'd actually be joining their team, that's pretty ridiculous.

Credits. By the way, I think the new intro is hilarious.

Our special guest of the week is Sean, whom nobody seems to recognize. So either nobody remembers the past season or it's actually only been like two days since Sean won. If I remember correctly, they filmed this right after the previous season like they usually do but then NBC told Trump to suck it and put him on haitus for a season, which was unexpected.

Anyway, Trump says Sean never had to stay in a tent. Well, he might have not stayed in one, but he sure did pitch a tent everytime Tammy's unexcitable, boring personality was around. I feel like although last season was funny, the entire season was a circus. Nobody was Apprentice material, really.

So Sean is the Ivanka for this episode. And the name of the task is Top Chef. I've figured now after the bathing suit episode, Trump has just decided to sit down, look at the current reality shows that are on right now and just shamelessly steal their ideas. First he did Survivor with the tent business. Then he did Project Runway/Top Model (Nicole and Surya modeled) with the bathing suit fiasco. Now he's doing Top Chef.

The teams have to create a new Pollo bowl for El Pollo Loco (that's Spanish for "Frankie Suits"). So, as I mentioned, we don't see that much of the actual task. We see Arrow throwing together their bowl and tasting it. We see Kinetic adding fruit to their chicken bowl. It's Kristine's idea to do this Paradise bowl, fruit and all. Remember that.

Arrow has made huge signs to put everywhere because they actually learned something from the first task. Kinetic has sent Marisa and Derek off somewhere to do marketing. This is where the ridiculous chicken dance fiasco begins. Marisa wants the name to be Bravado bowl or something. She also wants two chicken suits to draw in customers. Heidi says no, Frankie Suits isn't on our team and no, it's Paradise bowl and that's that. They have like five exchanges where all Marisa wants is two chicken suits and Bravado and all Heidi wants is to reject Marisa coldly.

Here's my theory: I think Marisa's demise was Heidi. For some reason, they never clicked. They bickered over the swimsuit design in the second episode where they ended up going with Marisa's design and winning. I think maybe they're too much alike and Heidi can't stand someone else like her around. It's probably because Marisa's the only one who will challenge Heidi or stand up for things that Heidi shoots down. This is all under the file folder labeled "Being winning PM got to Heidi's head." Heidi sees herself as the boss and she doesn't want any dissention. The rest of the team just doesn't want to get on Heidi's bad side in case they keep winning and she's PM forever.

I think next week once someone else is top dog, Heidi will suffer within the group. I see her as a Melrose. When Monique was there, Melrose seemed normal. Once Monique left though, Melrose's true colors showed. When Heidi is no longer Hitler, she'll stick out like a sore thumb as a difficult soldier who always tries to take command. Okay, bad analogy. Still.

When the task actually starts, we have James from Arrow being his typical raspy self. James always sounds like he's been at a concert yelling too loudly for the past five hours. He has permanent laryngitis. Anyway, he's pulling people in. Meanwhile, Aaron has sent Suits and Tim off to try to get some bulk sales going on. Surya thinks they need to come back because the lines for their store are all over the place. Aaron doesn't listen to Surya and we get the only trouble at Arrow this week.

Tim and Suits end up going to some office/showroom/sketchy building and getting 22 orders of their new Pollo bowl. They're excited and Aaron's excited and it's Aaron-1, Surya-0.

Meanwhile, as Sean visits Heidi's crabby shack, there's no business and Marisa and Derek are doing the only marketing they could think of. They're offering samples to people in the drive-thru. Which isn't a bad idea.. if your food tasted good.

So they go to the boardroom and it turns out Kinetic sold like $300 while Arrow sold $430 (?). That means the bulk sale made a difference for them and it was actually closer than the editing showed. It wasn't like that one sports task a couple seasons ago when Trump fired four people for actually decreasing profits. It also wasn't as close as the previous tasks have been, and that credit goes to Aaron for sending Suits and Tim to get bulk sales.

Arrow is bouncing off the walls with this and cannot wait to move into the house. You know, I'm really starting to like them. I think, with possibly the exception of Surya, this group is tight and really mesh well with each other. They're all not your typical businessperson and I like it. The two girls aren't the plastic, frigid businesswoman type. The guys are all caricatures of normal people. It's better than those cookie cutter Kinetic types. Except for Muna. I really like Muna.

Arrow's reward is a trip to Malibu to have a private performance from Andrea Bocelli. This is a great reward, and I'm sure they didn't think it could get much better after last week's reward of nothing. They also cannot move out of the tents fast enough. They throw everything into random boxes and haul ass inside.

Kinetic moves outside and they are all disgusted by the living conditions, particularly the filth that Arrow has left. I feel like after three weeks in that misery, Kinetic would have been just as lazy. But maybe not because this team is the obsessive-compulsive team. Muna is upset and says even in Jamaica where people are poor, they're at least clean.

So Arrow gets their wonderful reward. And more importantly, we see glimpses of the alleged Apprentice romance that trumps Sean and Tammy's pretend fling. Tim goes and plays the piano after Bocelli has left. He's decently good and this gets Nicole all turned on for whatever reason. They mention that Tim won't be single after this and the comment seems to be directed at Nicole. So I don't know what's been going on, but you've got me. I'm interested. I kind of like Nicole and her crooked teeth. She's got some spunk. More than Tammy could ever dream of having. So if this ends up being the romance they promised, it'll at least be entertaining. And also mean that these two are sticking around for a bit.

Now boardroom time. Here's how it goes down: Marisa interrupts everybody. Heidi stays pretty quiet. Marisa wrongly chooses Aimee to be fired. Heidi brings back the two loudest of the boardroom and watches Marisa get canned.

Although I may not like Heidi much, I have to say the girl is smart. She owned that boardroom and it may have been the experience on the other side as winning PM for two tasks that helped her. Surely she saw that the ones who talked too much got screwed. Also, as it seemed her goal was to get rid of Marisa, she executed a brilliant plan. She could have brought back Kristine for coming up with the bad idea. Instead, she chose the person Marisa wanted to send home.. Aimee. I don't know if there's a Heidi-Kristine alliance, but it was easy for Heidi to sit there and say that everybody wants Marisa gone and Marisa wants Aimee gone. No way Heidi's going. If Kristine were there, and she was smart, she could have said true, she came up with the fruit idea. However, as PM, Heidi okayed it. This turns attention onto Heidi. Smart, Heidi. Smart.

Here's where Marisa went wrong. I didn't think she should have been fired based on merit. First of all, shut up about the chicken suits idea and the Bravado idea. Second of all, just shut up. She talked way too much. Of course, it's the only reaction she knew to being ambushed like that. I do think they ganged up on her as a basic survival skill. Nobody wanted to stand out, so they made someone else stand out. Lastly, wrong tactics. Don't accuse Aimee when she can't be singled out for something disatrous. Accuse Kristine. Why didn't you sell more? Say it wasn't marketing or sales. It was the original concept. If you say that, other people will have to agree that perhaps the fruit idea wasn't great. Accuse Aimee randomly and you now seem like you're the one going by a personal dislike agenda.

Anyway, Kristine, you're lucky. Heidi, you're smart. And Marisa, learn to keep that mouth shut.

Next week on The Apprentice:
I say either Heidi or Surya is in danger, depending on which team loses.

American Idol Season 6 Episodes 1-4

American Idol is like the older sister of So You Think You Can Dance for me. I get really obsessed sometimes, but there are parts that I really don't like. Auditions are kinda annoying to me. I really like when they show great people and really annoyed when they focus too long on bad auditions.

Here's how the recapping will go.. it's really hard for me to actually recap about talent and stay on task when it comes to these types of shows. I definitely won't be covering these first few weeks audition by audition. I will however, try to always have several topics and give out random awards.

I'm thinking I will always have (1) Best and (2) Worst performances when it comes down to the semifinals. There will (3) Best Sob Story/Interview, (4) Stupidest Remark, (5) Best Hair--by best, I usually mean worst, (6) Funniest Dance Moves, (7) Best Simon Comparison--ie. "That sounded like a drunk guy at a wedding reception", (8) Dumbest Paula Comment--ie. "The air about you is so fresh", (9) Number of times Randy says "Dawg" versus number of times Simon says "I'm not being rude, but..", (10) Best Phone Pantomiming--my favorite category because they always look like idiots mouthing their number and doing an Irish jig while Ryan announces their phone number, (11) Best Outfit--ie. worst.

Also, anything else I come up with. Basically, it will be one big free-for-all. I may spend an entire recap discussing the pros and cons of punching Paula in the face versus the pros and cons of punching Seacrest. I may spend an entire recap being pissed about someone who was voted off. I get seriously offended sometimes when America votes off someone that was really good. Like I was really really smug and proud when Jennifer Hudson got her superstar debut in Dream Girls after losing out way too early in season 3 to Fantasia, who only has a Lifetime Special to her name.

So as far as the auditions go, I don't remember anyone particularly from the first two days. I remember that Seattle sucked and was filled with weirdos. They only too like one and a half people from there over the course of two days.

I do, however, remember the other two days. One was in New York and the other.. somewhere south. I liked a couple people. I really liked Melinda Doolittle, the background singer who was really shy. I liked the sob story of the week, the girl whose dad didn't support her. I liked the hott guy who was the first audition of the second day of the fourth episode. Jenry? I liked Jorey, the girl who hung with the Queen of England. A couple more, but I think I'm sold on Melinda for now. She just seems really down to earth and sweet. I hate the cocky ones. I like when they're genuinely flattered by the judges' comments.

Oh, I did like the half Indian brother and sister from the first week. I wouldn't say I peg either of them to make it to the finals, but they're both really cute and look like they're twelve. And I liked the friends where one friend was the alpha-female and the other was better, but totally the follower. You could just tell she really liked her friend and always was modest about herself and complimented her friend all the time. The alpha-female seemed like she knew she was the alpha one and wanted it that way.

Anyway, Paula's stupidest comment was when she called Simon a bad boy. It was really funny because she wanted to attack him and yell at him but then couldn't come up with anything good. I think Paula's really funny because (1) She's always on something. (2) She's always fed up with Simon yet most people agree with Simon more than they do with her. (3) Simon's the bigger personality. (4) She's not allowed to sleep with contestants anymore.

Can't wait until Hollywood Week, which is actually one of my favorite weeks besides finale week.

Top Chef Episodes 11 & 12

So around this time of the year, my priorities really take a 180 degree turn. No, I don't get really focused on school work and work-work that I don't have time for reality TV. I get really really into college gymnastics. I switch from watching reality shows multiple times to watching gymnastics meets multiple times. The only difference is I will be lazy with these recaps. I will keep pumping them out, though. Promise.

Two weeks ago on I'll Pit Your Olive:
The six chefs had to split into two teams and open restaurants in like five minutes flat. Lalalina had an olive pit. Run EMC had Cliff and his horrible service. Michael got sent home kinda out of the blue.

Last week on The Bizarro Top Chef:
I've watched this episode twice, but somehow I can't remember what the Quickfire was. Oh, right.. chocolate. But first, we had a weird scene between Elia and Ilan. Since Elia is the lone girl and is all alone in the girls' loft, Ilan has opted to be her cuddle buddy.

So in the Quickfire, Ilan makes a ganache with liver inside it. I know! Ewww. Basically, Sam wins. Oh, and Eric Ripert is the guest judge.

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs have to work together to provide a five-course romantic dinner. As winner of the Quickfire, Sam gets to choose his course first and also the protein he wants to use. Nobody else can use that protein. Which is a weird prize for winning. Anyway, I kinda wanted Sam to make a jambalaya or something crazy.

They're going to be heading to Santa Barbara to serve this dinner because, according to Padma, it's one of the most romantic places ever. You know, right up there with Paris, Milan, and Newark, New Jersey.

Sam wants first course and wants to do something intensely spicy but yet subtle or something similar to everything else he's put out. Elia wants to take a risk with dessert and redo the "Kiss" she made for the Quickfire. I really hate that in this show, someone always ends up having to do a dessert even though they aren't a dessert person. Especially in this case, there needed to be a dessert, and whoever ends up with it is difficult to compare with the others, yet has taken a risk. It just makes judging difficult. I like challenges like the beach challenge where everybody gets the same task and they have the option to do similar types of courses. Anyway, just what I think.

During service, it seems like Cliff is the worst. Elia is upset when her chocolate hearts don't come out right and the judges harp on it a little.

Back at the loft, or wherever they're staying.. a hotel.. everybody is drunk and stupid. Elia starts talking about shaving her head and Ilan says if she does it, he has to. Which makes no sense, except it helps perpetuate my "Elia and Ilan mystery affair" idea. The two have an interesting dynamic. It's always fun to pretend there's secret love affairs going on during these shows anyway.

So Elia and Ilan shave their heads. Actually, they all got this wrong. The two who need to shave their heads are Sam and Marcel. Elia and Ilan had good hair. Apparently, Cliff decides that Marcel needs to get his head shaved. So he decides to pin him down and basically sexually assault him. Marcel is understandably pissed off and ends up sleeping in the bathroom. That is just sad. A fifth grader doesn't deserve this from his classmates and a grown man certainly doesn't deserve this from his adult roommates. This situation really just sucks. I understand that Marcel is annoying and awkward, but he isn't intentionally being an ass like Stephen was last season.

The next day, Tom Colicchio arrives at the room to talk to Cliff. He basically tells him to leave because he assaulted Marcel. Cliff seems a little surprised, but understands that what he did was stupid. Ilan voices that he's really ashamed and disappointed that they all let last night become so ridiculous.

Then, they proceed to continue with judging, which is odd. Padma and Gail had no idea of the previous night's activities until Tom told them in the judging room. This just goes to show who's in charge of this show. It's funny because they have honest but odd reactions. They mention that Cliff would've gone home anyway, most likely.

The chefs come in and the girls seem surprised at Elia and Ilan's baldness. If Cliff were still there, it would've been an even split between bald and non-bald people in that room. Haha. That's kinda awesome.

The judges then berate the chefs for a bit and then Padma tries to pull a Tyra Banks but fails. She puts two chefs through and then says "Sorry," to the other chefs, "you'll both be going to Hawaii." I may have choice words to say about Tyra, but she pulled off that cycle 5 fake-out wonderfully. "Katie and Jayla. You both need to go back to the house and pack your bags.. because we're all going to London!" Aww damn, her name is Nicole. Nicole Linkletter. For some reason, she looks like a Katie to me and I always have to correct myself.

Anyway, Padma's fake-out sucked.

This week on Why Does It Have To Be Sam OR Ilan and Elia OR Marcel?:
The chefs all head to Hawaii. We're given a montage of moments from when they were at home. There's a lot of interviewing about how they plan to win.

When they arrive, they get to see their rooms and then are whisked off the next day to have a Hawaiian feast. They learn a lot about Hawaiian foods and the proper ways to prepare them.

The next day is an Elimination Challenge. They have to provide their interpretation of Hawaiian dishes. Basically, they want them to use Hawaiian ingredients make Hawaiian dishes that have their own personal style attached.

During the service, it seems the judges really like everything. They mention that Elia didn't really do Hawaiian food and it was too much of her style. They seem to really like Sam's dessert.

Oh, and throughout the entire episode, Elia seems to be really upset with Marcel and it was surprising since she kept pledging her loyalty to him throughout the season.

At judging, Elia and Ilan decide to tell the judges that Marcel is rude and doesn't respect the kitchen dynamics. I agree that it's a poor desperate effort in damaging Marcel. I don't agree, however, that it shouldn't matter. Obviously, this should hurt Marcel's chance in the finale when he has to work with a team.

Anyway, at some point, the judges have decided that of Sam and Ilan, they can only have one and out of Elia and Marcel, they can only have one. This is really odd to me. Since when were they in pairs? They seemed to like Sam and Ilan. Why couldn't they both be in the finale? Odd. Anyway, it's pretty obvious that there won't be a female Top Chef this go around. Elia is an obvious cut since her dishes stood out as not incorporating Hawaiian traditions enough. Then, they cut Sam, which is surprising but not that upsetting. Marcel is through with what seems like a huge pity vote from Padma, who's had this odd fascination and support for Marcel the entire show.

Next week on Top Chef:
SHOWDOWN! Are we ever going to get a reunion show? I liked last year's. Wasn't everybody drunk and hilarious? All I know is after the Top Chef finale, which will end at like 1am or something, there will be the Top Design premiere. I am really excited because it sounds like more of a stretch and more of a trainwreck than Top Chef and therefore, I will be watching and being as judgmental as possible.

The Apprentice Episode 3

Last week on The Bikini Fiasco:
Everybody let Carey make a pink speedo.. except for Michelle, who nobody likes. Heidi's team got to meet Hef and skip the next task. Carey got fired.

This week on Could Those Glasses Be Any Lower:
Team Losers greet the returning people and discuss what to do if Michelle, or "Johnny" as they call her, returns. Well, it's Nicole and Michelle and Nicole gets a round of hugs while Michelle gets dealt a good hand of awkward. Heidi returns and tells her team who was fired. They all seem surprisingly sad. Heidi adds that Michelle is the most disruptive. When prompted, she explains that they think she asks too many questions. Somebody comments that they wouldn't like being on Team Heidi then. This team is so smooth sailing right now. It'll just be sad when they have to turn on each other.

So Arrow and Kinetic both show up to meet Trump. Trump lets Team Heidi get a day of pampering and relaxation. Team Losers have to split up into two groups and compete against each other. Aaron volunteers to be a team lead and then there's awkward silence as nobody else wants to lead. Trump then pretty much forces Michelle to be the second lead and she pauses for a really long time before saying yes. Michelle has Tim, Nicole, and Frankie Suits. Aaron has James and Stefani, whose name I hate. I don't want to spell it like that.

So the challenge is to come up with a tour and get the best approval ratings. Team Aaron wants Lakers girls. Well, James wants Lakers girls. And he says so loudly. They decide to do the theme of "Famous Places, Beautiful Faces," something like that. Team Michelle is less than enthused. Michelle starts playing the team spirit, total agreement game, which doesn't work well because it means she makes no decisions. They end up deciding on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.

So Team Aaron has James take a tour and figure out what to do better for their tour. Aaron and Stefani, who could not wear her glasses any lower, figure out what places to go to. And on Team Michelle, we have Michelle and Tim driving around for hours and hours trying to figure out what exactly to do and where to go. Suits and Nicole in the meantime have nothing to do, so they go make banners and buy butch outfits.

I like how Suits has become the Apprentice version of Eugena. Sucked balls at first, but manages to just stick around to the point where he's able to make fun of other people for sucking.

Team Aaron has a pow-wow and figures out the entire tour and then goes to sleep. Team Michelle, however, cannot sleep because Michelle needs everybody to sit around watching her tank and be indecisive. Nicole goes to lie down because nothing is happening and gets a weird scolding/pep-talk from Michelle.

So the next day, Team Aaron has Lakers girls. James talks really loudly about nothing.. a lot. Stefani takes over and rocks it.. all the while still wearing her glasses at the tip of her nose. They get a lot of interaction with their tourists. Stefani remembers so much information about the places they're showing and really grabs people's attention.

Team Michelle is tanking. They're so pathetic that their microphones don't even like them. Tim tells their customers about drugs and Michelle talks nonsense. It pretty much sucks.

So in the boardroom, Team Aaron has 82% ratings and Team Michelle has something like 58%. Before much can happen, Michelle decides to quit. Then, the most bizarre five minutes of television occurs. Donald berates her and the entire time, Michelle's face is all "just let me leave already." It's pretty ridiculous. I really didn't care that much when she quit. Surprisingly. I usually hate it when people quit. Whatever.

Team Heidi is astonished when they find out Michelle quit and the rest of Team Michelle is pissed that one of them might also get fired. However, they receive a call that nobody else will be fired and they all start hooting and hollering. Michelle, who is walking away, probably thinks they're cheering about her leaving and says, "Bye, guys."

Next week on The Apprentice:
I haven't seen the preview. I say they rearrange the teams. Maybe. And Suits says something stupid. I don't know what's going to happen. Maybe James talks loudly.

The Apprentice Episode 2

Last week on The Frankie Suits Circus Parade:
Trump moved to LA and invited a lot of hopefuls to live in a mansion next door to him. The first task was to pitch a tent. Heidi was pointed out as a leader and Frankie was pointed out as a really loud person. Two teams were formed and they competed in a car wash task. Heidi's team won and Frankie's team had to sleep outside in tents right next to the mansion. Heidi's team met Wolfgang Puck for two seconds before Trump told him to go back to work like a good little boy. Martin had a lot of old Nigerian sayings, but drip, drip, drip, the BS sure seems to crack the stone, too.

This week on The Tale of the Speedo:
So this week, teams have to design a line of swimsuits for Trina Turk. They will then have a fashion show to present their creations. Buyers will be at the show ordering their swimwear and whichever team gets the most sales wins. So basically, Trump saw two of the more successful reality shows- Top Model and Project Runway- and was like, hey, maybe we should do that on our show.

Heidi remains the project manager for her team and Nicole becomes the PM for her team. The team names are Kinetic and Arrow, by the way. And yeah, what the hell? First of all, we don't see any footage of them choosing names. Probably because it was so boring, judging by the lame names they came up with. Oh, and Nicole's idea of a good team leader is someone who makes everybody else so happy and motivated that they end up performing really well or something. It's stupid. A good team leader is someone who manages skills and tasks well and inspires while staying in control of everything. That's what I think anyway. Oh, and a good leader needs to be practical and be able to forecast future problems and fix them or at least have a solution before they happen. A lot of people aren't good at stepping outside and seeing possible faults in their own work.

Anyway, they get started and the issue on Heidi's team is Heidi thinks an orange and brown woman's suit is a little boring and bland while Marisa thinks it's the hottest thing ever. It's really not a big issue in the end and they end up sticking to it. I personally agree that it's not very exciting and I don't really think orange and brown are good colors for bathing suits. Especially together. You put the ASU gymnastics team in those and it's like camoflauge. The orange blends in with their skin and the brown straps just look like extensions of their skunk-like hair. After seeing them last night, I think they might beat out Georgia when it comes down to who looks more like George Hamilton.

Back to The Apprentice. On Nicole's not-so-happy team, Carey is really excited about the task and is already sketching ideas in his notepad. Somebody wasn't skilled enough to make it on Runway, huh. He's really set on this idea of a man's speedo as one of their items. Nobody on the team really knows what to say, so they don't really say anything. Eventually, they've let it go so long that Carey's already make the suit and there's no turning him back now. He walks out and models it proudly. Most of the team compliments him, but come on, it's obvious that no buyer would risk buying this suit.

The only person to object is Michelle. She says she doesn't agree that this color or style is a good idea to use. Everybody starts talking about how Michelle isn't a team player and is hard to get along with. Keep in mind that Michelle is right. She's one-hundred percent correct here. Carey's not hearing any of it and keeps walking around in it.

When we get to the show, we have Carey and Nicole modeling for Team Trainwreck and Surya modeling for Heidi's team. Everything was boring, blah, uninspired. Except for Carey's, which was not bland, just not marketable.

In the end, Heidi's team wins by a buck fifty again and they get to go to the Playboy Mansion to met Hef.. which is hilarious because that team is all women, one gay man, and Surya, who doesn't exactly strike me as the player type. Exactly why this is awesome. Hahahaha.

So Heidi's team meets Holly, Bridget, and Kendra, The Girls Next Door. I love this reward because how in the world would The Donald think these career-driven women would like this at all? They are the exact opposite of the type of people who would want to meet Hef. They have gone through their lives, most of them, working in fields that are typically male-dominated, wanting to rise to the top based on merit rather than looks. Hahahaha. It's all rather awkward and nobody really seems like a wild party-type. Trump arrives and at some point someone does a requisite confessional about how impressive it is that Hef built such an empire from basically nothing.

Back in the Trump Trailer Park, Tim has pointed out to Michelle that she and he do not have the same interests and would not likely have friends in common in the real world. Michelle seems a little surprised that nobody likes her and says she wishes people would have told her at the time. Which ends up being twisted into her saying, after the fact, that she wished she could have been a better teammate during the task. Instead, what I got was, if you all had a problem, why didn't you bring it up when it was crucial for the team to be meshing well?

Anyway, Heidi joins Ivanka and The Donald again. It comes down to Carey had a crappy design, Michelle isn't a team player, and Nicole didn't call out Carey's design. James makes a great point in saying ultimately, the design has to pass through the PM before it goes into production. Nicole took great offense to that when James was really just pulling a Yul and wanting to be diplomatic about it. He's right, too. I still wouldn't have fired Nicole, probably, but she had much greater fault in this than she was willing to admit to.

They bash Michelle around a bit, and I really have to go back to the moment when she disagreed with the team. She was right. She was causing tension in the team because she recognized the flaws in the design while nobody else wanted to go down that road. Then, what she said ended up being true. Also, I have no problem with her refusing to pick a price point arbitrarily when others had researched it extensively and had more knowledge on the point than she had. That team really just doesn't have things in perspective.

So Trump doesn't want to touch the Speedo that Carey just recently wore. He rightly notes that nobody would purchase this as a buyer. It's target market was just too small and it was an unwise decision. Carey is fired and he leaves proudly, Speedo intact.

Next week on The Thanksgiving Episode of Top Chef:
As you might recall, on Top Chef's Thanksgiving episode, only half of the chefs cooked and the episode sucked. On the next episode of The Apprentice, only this week's losing team will compete and they will do so in two teams within their own group. It looks like James and Nicole against the rest (?) and Donald Jr. is the guest judge because Trump is sick of Heidi.

The Apprentice Season 6 Episode 1

Bum-Bum BUM! The moment has arrived and I am about as giddy as a five-year-old is on Christmas. I love season premieres. And I love The Apprentice. Quickly, here's my stance: I think Trump is an egotistical moron who should be giving his money to poor school districts and to good charities instead of tearing things down to build the biggest skyscraper in the world. However, he doesn't try to tell us that he's Miss Congeniality. His show is about making good decisions, marketing yourself, and succeeding in the business world. All of which he should get all the credit for doing. It's only when people like Paula Abdul claim to be a great judge of singing talent when the BS-radar starts going off. If Trump's show was about him picking the next best Miss America contestant or something, that would be crap. However, he is judging people on something he excels at, so he doesn't really get on my nerves as a host/judge or whatever he is considered on the show.

This week on The Battle of the Morons:
Okay, here's the thing. I love this season and all of its changes. I love that it's in LA. I love that the losers have to sleep in tents. I love that the winning PM stays as PM until (s)he loses. I LOVE Ivanka. I never really knew anything about The Donald's children until they guest-judged on the third or fourth Apprentice. Ivanka also did an episode of Project Runway, which is when I really came to like her. She isn't obnoxious, cocky, over-aggressive, pompous, or spoiled at all. I guess when you see someone like The Donald and expect that he would produce snotty children and then see how down-to-earth they actually are, it's a huge surprise. Anyway, I love Ivanka.

From the beginning of this episode right up until the end, almost everything that happened was hilarious. First, we see Trump talking to Melania on the phone. She's already in LA with their baby, Baron. You know what? Now that they have this baby, it means that Melania's had sex with The Donald. Which is disgusting. Anyway, Melania looks stoned as always and comes out of the house with the baby when Trump arrives. The whole scene with them interacting and with Trump driving his car is hilarious because it's so strange.

The contestants arrive and they meet up with Trump in front of the mansion, which is connected to his mansion, which is where the boardroom is. Everybody introduces themselves and they put the introductions together as a montage where they all overlap. At first, I was like why is that chick just talking over everyone? The Donald is excited that Angela is an Olympian and actually gives her a hug, which is so not Trump-like. Which means it's funny. Maybe it's the lack of shows to watch right now that's got me watching Kathy Griffin specials and thinking everything is funny.

So the first task of the season is for everybody to go to the backyard and pitch a big tent. Hahaha. Trump makes it out to be some huge character-building task that should be taken as seriously as possible. They're all like a bunch of donkeys with their heads cut off until Heidi starts to take control. She says she's pitched a lot of tents in the past as considers herself an expert. Then Frank decides that it's his moment to be an ass and starts yelling instructions really loudly. What he actually does is yell for everybody to grab pieces and put them together, which is useless.

Trump is watching from a second story window and tells Frank to keep his voice down. Then there's Martin in his three-piece suit trying to give instructions, but just looking like an idiot. When they finish pitching the tent, they all put their hands together and yell "Go Trump" or something obnoxious. Everybody wonders what's going on and some idiot says that maybe that was their first task and someone's going to get fired. Stupid.

They go to the boardrooms and meet Ivanka and an empty chair that will be filled with "someone special" at the boardroom. Everybody agrees that Heidi was the best leader during the tent challenge and Frank was loud. So those two get to choose teams. Heidi chooses Derek, Aimee, Marisa, Angela, Surya, Kristine, Muna, Jenn. Frank chooses Carey, Tim, Aaron, Nicole, James, Stefani, Michelle, Martin. Well, Frank doesn't really choose Martin. Martin's last, which is funny because Martin thinks he should be everybody's first choice always.

Their first task is to run a car wash. Trump tells them that the winning PM will always be the PM until that team wins.

Frank's team starts with Frank acting like a banshee, talking really fast, and then running off to do flyers or something. What a stupid. Then the team tries to get together and come up with a plan when Frank calls and flips out about them starting to sell right that moment.

Heidi's team starts by making signs on carboard and offering free lunches at a hot dog stand. Ivanka visits them and asks why there's no cars in the detailing area. Aimee says they would prefer to move as many people in as possible. They've hired a couple guys to take their shirts off and hold the signs because they're in a predominantly homosexual area. Where they got these random shirtless guys, I have no idea. Ivanka goes and talks to them and they ask her if she wants to take her shirt off and help them. She says no, maybe next time, and laughs instead of being offended, which most other businesswomen probably been.

Then there's Team Trainwreck. They're yelling about car washes.. without signs. Cars are speeding past wondering who the lunatics are. Frank brings back little flyers and the team holds up the pieces of paper pretending anybody can read them. Ivanka visits and wonders why Frank isn't around. James is excited and Martin is.. tired. Earlier, he asked Trump if he could go take a piss and now he tells Ivanka he's tired.

Heidi's team is so busy and they're backed up. A lady starts cleaning her own car and it brings Heidi to decide to have her team help clean. It's a great idea and seems to work. Heidi even keeps her heels on as she cleans.

Over at Frank's circus, James is working it and getting a lot of people to get full detail packages. Martin, however, is not persuasive at all. At the end of the task, James notices Martin is adding up how much he sold and thinks it shows that he isn't confident in how he did.

Heidi's team wins and Trump treats them to dinner at Spago where Wolfgang Puck will "join them." They get to live in the mansion and Heidi stays the PM and gets to join Trump in the boardroom. Frank and his team get to sleep outside in the tent until they win.

Heidi's team goes into the mansion and it's really nice except.. they have to all sleep in one room, which is really strange. Heidi thanks her team for never complaining.

Frank's team has to shower with flashlights. Their sinks don't drain. It pretty much sucks. Tim starts to pick a fight with Frank about how the PM is more to blame than a bad salesman. This is stupid, Tim, because it most likely means you will be brought into the boardroom.

Heidi's team sleeps comfortably, while Franks team is woken by sprinklers. At first, I thought the sprinklers were going off on them. Hahaha that would have been awesome. The best part of this whole Win-Lose deal is the teams are only separated by bushes. The losing team stands on a rock and drools at what the winning team has.

The winning team eats with Trump and the losing team eats on the grass. Frank's team starts bashing Frank and the price point. Martin gives us another Nigerian saying and tries to manuever his way out of being fired.

Heidi tells her team that she will try to keep the weakest person on the other team when she goes into the boardroom.

In the boardroom, there was a lot of bull flying around and Martin calls out Frank as soon as possible. Franks calls Ivanka I-vanka like a hundred times. Martin says he was exhausted again. What a circus. And Nicole has no voice. Here's what happens: Frank brings Martin and Tim back to the boardroom. Frank talks really loudly and Martin uses a lot of his sayings. Tim doesn't say anything and is excused. Then Frank says that Martin is brilliant and everybody berates him for making stupid comments.

Martin goes home.

Top Chef Episode 10

Last week on The Mikey Show:
Michael won both the Quickfire and the Elimination, which makes Top Chef history. Everybody pissed and moaned about Marcel except for Elia and Michael. Betty had to pack up her knives and go because she decided to serve lumpy soups in wine glasses.

This week on Where's Betty When We Need A Front-of-the-House Person?:
The guest judge is this Asian man with a Naima-style limp mohawk and a shiny rest-of-his-head. The Quickfire involves making a snack. Which to me is a bag of Cheetos but to them is more of an appetizer.

Oh, by the way, I know this is two Top Chef recaps in a row, which means I'm not kept up with the rest of my shows, but I haven't been able to get a hold of I Love New York yet and I need to watch The Apprentice again because long premieres make it really hard to recap. I did start the recap, though, and spent a paragraph or two talking about how I like Ivanka a lot more than I like The Donald.

Anyway, Kraft is the name-drop of the episode apparently and they're provided with three condiments: Mayonnaise, Italian dressing, and barbeque sauce. Which are really weird choices. Anyway, Sam says he's obsessed with mayo or something. I don't remember what people made, which is a little pathetic since I just finished watching it like ten minutes ago. All I know is they didn't like Michael or Ilan. Padma says there will be two winners, which should sound off alarms in everybody's heads that this is yet again going to be a team challenge elimination.

Sam and Marcel are the two winners and I'm assuming Marcel is going to choose Elia and Michael. However, he chooses Elia and Cliff. Sam gets Ilan and Michael. I really wanted the three egomaniacs to be on the same team and then lose and have to throwdown with each other. It would be like watching the Self-promoting Circus Parade.. except that's already something else called the Tyra Show.

Anyway, each team has one half of an empty restaurant to redecorate in time for service the next day. This is another one of those times when the judges decide it'll be a good idea to give the contestants a ridiculous deadline and then berate them for not creating award-winning entrees. The wedding challenge of last season comes to mind. This one's slightly better, though, because they seem to get quite a bit of help. Each team gets an interior decorater and a server to help them out.

The Marcel team decide on a Mediterranean restaurant called Medi, which is stupid. The Sam team decides on an Italian restaurant called Lalalina, a combination of Michael's wife Lacey, Sam's girlfriend Lauren, and Ilan's girlfriend Carolina. The name is ridiculous, kinda cute, but mostly just funny. I imagine it as a nickname for Carolina, Darren Brass' wife on Miami Ink. Now there's a crazy and ridiculous lady. I love Miami Ink. And everybody on it.

After meeting with the interior lady, the Marcel teams decides that Medi is stupid and changes completely in a different direction and chooses to do a high-end diner. They call it M.E.C. because guess why.. it's their initials. They should have borrowed the other team's extra $100 and bought some creativity. I would've gone with Run EMC.. hahaha. I'm just as lame as them, but in a different way.

The teams go shopping for stuff and Sam executive-decisions himself all over the place and makes Michael go get the plating and utensils. I'm willing to bet he wrote a list of stuff he wanted specifically and warned Michael that if he didn't bring back the exact list, he would get his balls cut off or something. I don't like Sam for the same reason I don't like Cliff. They're both way too serious about themselves. They should go join Tyra and they could all annoy each other. Something that some friends and I love is when people who are annoying in the same way end up annoying each other.

There's some discussion about who will be at the front of the house and Cliff and Elia both want to do it. Cliff pretty much superior-izes his way out of cooking anything, thinking that'll make it easier for him to throw Marcel under the bus later. Ilan ends up doing a lot of cooking and also the front of the house. Both suck.

The main problems on the Lalalina side is there is not wine and also no plates to put olive pits or bread. Which I would take as a hint to not eat any olives because they're disgusting. Haha this recap is just filled with my obnoxious opinions, isn't it. Oh, and Sam's watermelon gnocchi is disgusting. Which I knew from the moment he mentioned it. I'm still not sure if it was actually in doughy-gnocchi form or just watermelon balls. Either way, that cheese and cream crap on top looked awful.

On the Run EMC side, Cliff's service is horrible. He decides that it's not important at all to greet the judges when they come in, or even serve them at all. He makes them wait forever and then doesn't really talk to them. The drumstick amuse-bouche, a Marcel creation, is kinda raw and just really not that good. The tempura vegetables with barbeque sauce, another Marcel creation, is excellent. Elia's burgers apparently don't live up to their name, The Best Burger Ever, which sounds like something I would've come up with. Except I would've known that it's probably hard to claim to be the best when those judges have probably eaten at some really high-end places. I would've called the The Almost Best Burger Ever.

So apparently Padma is the one who gets stuck with the short straw all the time. When she sits down at the Lalalina table, there's an olive pit on the table in front of her. It's like that time she got the fish with the blood line in it, or whatever. Oh, by the way, I think Padma is hilarious. So much better than that lame Katie Lee Joel or Stoneface, or whatever her name was. Billy Joel's child bride.

Anyway, there's no winner this episode because they all sucked in some way or another. They're brought back as teams separately and then all together. They send Elia back to the loft because she isn't a cop-out or a sell-out. They send Ilan back because he did almost everything and kept the pissing and moaning to a minimum that day. Marcel also got sent back because he made a lot of the dishes. That leaves us with Sam, Cliff, and Michael. I totally want Cliff to go because he's always barking orders and putting himself up on a pedestal. I wish that Padma had said, "Cliff, put your dick back in your pants and pack your knives and go," a la Mia. However, she asks Michael to pack up his knives and I am sad. Michael stayed out of the stupid circus parade of jerks and had a huge episode last week. Oh well. I don't think he's too heartbroken. He made it pretty far.

Next week on The Episode of High Expectations and Big Disappointments:
It's the week before the finale in Hawaii and everybody wants to make it. This is the week where contestants usually go way too safe and then they all get beat up for it. Also, have you ever thought about how far out in the middle of the ocean Hawaii is? It's two time zones away from the west coast. It doesn't get to participate in stuff like the Deal or No Deal Lucky Case Game. And they don't care because it's paradise all year.

Top Chef Episode 9

Last week on An Episode I Didn't Like:
An a Holiday themed episode, chefs had to split into two teams and cater some sort of event. There's no way they shot this a year ago, so I always wonder what it's like to have a Christmas-y event in August or whatever. Anyway, Mia sacrificed herself for Elia and Cliff showed that he's kind of an ass.

This week on Themes is the Theme of this Episode:
As it goes for most shows, a really good episode is usually followed by a not-so-good episode, which is followed by an excellent episode. I liked the beach episode from before and I hated the previous episode, so I was hoping I would like this one. I did really like it. Mostly because I really like themes based on colors.

Anyway, the Quickfire Challenge is to make a dish based on a color. Padma has hooched it up, by the way, and tells us that there will no longer be immunity for the Quickfire winner. Which slightly prompts me to wonder why have a Quickfire then? They should have some sort of reward. Speaking of which, they've been skimping on prizes. At the beginning of the show, the Elimination Challenge winner always got some sort of prize. Looks like some sponsors are getting a little lazy.

We find out that Michael had a tooth pulled recently and he feels pretty miserable. He makes it sound as if some dude just walked in, took him into the kitchen and pulled it there. I've had quite a few run-ins with the dentist since I went off to college, so although I should sympathize, I find it quite funny. The way it's swollen, it does look like it was slightly botched. Anyway, he says he wants to win immunity so he can take a nap. This is before we find out there won't be any immunity.

So they have to draw knives for colors and it goes something like this: Elia has white, Betty has green, Marcel has brown, Cliff has purple or black or something else indistinguishable to him, Sam has what he pretends is green but is actually yellow, Ilan has red, and Michael has orange.

Highlights of the Quickfire include Cliff being color-blind, which is awesome because it would be so easy for someone to give him an apple or something and say it's purple. He's smartly basing his dish off of eggplant, which somebody once told him was purple.

Betty tells us that she is focusing on making her dish as green as possible. She says that what she got from the challenge was that she had to make the dish green. She's done this before, and it's a bad plan, because when you focus on the aesthetics, you often lose what's most important.. the flavor.

Marcel has some coffee moat, which he makes a mess of and it ends up looking disgusting. Michael is using salmon and adding an orange glaze. He's also made carrot chips. Ilan's dish is extremely red. It's red to the point that all the reds on the dish are the same red.

Betty, Marcel, and Ilan are labeled the worst. Cliff, Sam, and Michael are the best. And Michael wins, which is awesome, except it's kinda funny because he wanted the immunity and has never won a Quickfire before, so to win the first time there's no immunity is pretty hilarious.

The Elimination Challenge is to make a seven course meal based on the seven deadly sins. Apparently Cliff is weirdly obsessed with the seven deadly sins, and he thinks this challenge is awesome. They draw knives and Sam gets Wrath, Michael gets Lust, Elia gets Pride, Ilan gets Gluttony, Cliff gets Greed, Betty gets Sloth, and Marcel gets Envy. As the Quickfire winner, Michael gets to switch with anyone he wants. He switches with Marcel. Marcel thinks it's a stupid move because Lust is easy to portray with food or something. Thinking back, though, I think it was a wise choice. Lust, I would think, would be best portrayed by some sort of sweet dish and it would have to evoke a sort of feeling that everyone associates with lust. Envy, however, can be more of a symbolic representation and has a wider variety of choices.

So there's a lot of Marcel-hating in this episode, which is fine, whatever. It shows that everyone is petty, pretty much besides Elia. At the moment, my favorites are Elia and Michael, believe it or not. Anyway, they get food and hardware and there's a lot of random blow-ups.

Ilan and Marcel are both doing desserts, which is both stupid and funny. They see it as a battle between the two of them and they forget the fact that maybe they'll both suck equally. Betty is making soups and serving them in wine glasses, which to me does not sound appetizing. All the food looks interesting, some kinda iffy and some kinda strange. Elia is making a big proud chicken. Ilan is making some overly decadent dessert that includes funnel cake. Marcel is using cherries.

By the way, at the same time that this is airing, the America's Next Top Model Mega-Marathon on VH1 is airing the episode of Cycle 4 where the girls had to get into coffins and portray the seven deadly sins. What a coincidence. And when it comes down to it, the fact that Kahlen's friend had just died, combined with the fact that they made Keenyah portray Gluttony, Top Model's version of the seven deadly sins beats out Top Chef's.

Anyway, I don't want to go through service and stuff. Basically, Marcel snaps at Betty and everybody freaks out about it. Ilan slams Marcel, which is funny but extremely stupid. It turns out that everybody loves Michael's dish and the judges are surprised that Michael actually made it.

Michael wins, taking the entire episode, all with a sore mouth heavy medication. Betty and Ilan both want Marcel to go, but in the end, Betty leaves because she made soup. Not only did she make soup.. she didn't make it well.

Next time on Top Chef:
As teams, they have to remodel and run a restaurant.

Until next time..